Howdy folks,
We're two weeks into the season, and it's time for a little
hot recappin' action. Think y'all
deduced from my near comatose appearance at draft weekend, that my time for
recapping is a little compromised this year. But I'll try to throw you schmucks
a bone when I can. And when I can't, you
should enjoy Yahoo's new ridiculous new auto-recaps to tide you over. By the
way, I can’t believe I’ve been replaced by a machine! Soon yahoo will start making dick jokes, and
I’ll be completely out of a job! But I digress…
Two weeks into the season, and in my expert opinion, I still
don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on.
In the NFL, everyone and their mother is 1-1. The games are slower than Robby doing
math. And the replacement refs are even slower than
that.
In our league, here’s my short take on all the teams so far, in the standings order:
- Thongmetheus - So, the bastard that outbid me for Matt Ryan has the best team in the league and has legitimately won two high scoring affairs. Whuck? OK, Ryan has indeed been awesome, but the rest of his team can’t sustain that shit. He’ll finish 7-7 as usual.
- Private Privates – Got the M.A.S.H. squad going this year with Maclin, Jennings, Hernandez, and Stewart all missing time. But I’ll take 2-0 and an unlikely victory against the Evil Empire of BrotherCole.
- Larry's Homework - MFrank is also 2-0 after two thoroughly uninspired victories over “Steve” and “Brad”. I have absolutely no idea if his team is any good. Meh? Also, in real life, he is now actually a boy scout den leader. Insert your own joke here.
- 'Twas the Middle One – BrotherCole is singing “Me and Julio down by the school….only 1 point on Monday night football…Fuck!...Wha Happened?” (Whistling solo by The Commish)
- Clinched Last Place - Not yet. But soon.
- Hurricane Falafel – Scraping the bottom of the barrel for running back depth, and has a mediocre quarterback, and a waiver-wire defense, but otherwise, he still needs a haircut.
- Free Pussy Riot - Good on Steve for pulling off the first trade of the season. Bad on Steve for involving Jamal Charles in said trade. Though as long as either one of the KC running backs gets hurt, he’s a cappy hamper.
- Duck Butter – Robby should change his name to Luck Nutter. Or something. He’s lost two heart-breakers already and is 0-2 despite having the 3rd most point in the league and the 2nd most pubic crabs. Hang in there Robby! You’ll win one eventually and maybe even catch Sean for the crab lead.
- Bacon Cthulhu - Apparently bidding a lot on kickers at an auction draft might not pay off. Also, starting two running backs named Alfred and Dexter. That can’t be good.
- Sad But
True – Losing Fred Jackson for a month hurts.
Gotta be hating the crap out of CJ Spiller right now. Will the return of Ryan Matthews make it all
better? Bradley is ever hopeful.
That’s the skinny of it.
(And fat of it…you know who you are…).
Enjoy Week 3, and I’ll be seeing ya….
- The Commish
