Howdy Folks!
Happy 100th NFL season everyone!!! Are we all having a good time so far? How my Dolphins, Giants, Steelers, and Redskins fans in the house doing?! Feel the combined 0-8 excitement!!!
What a fucking joke of a season so far. At least college football has been festive.
Here are some headlines from the Chicken Bone season so far, which at least can’t go badly for everyone….
102.09 King Dong 1-1-0 | 8th
88.87 Rise of Falafel 1-1-0 | 4th
· Commish Wins First Game, despite lack of talent
· Rise of Falafel Sinks in First Loss
· DeSean Jackson giveth and DeSean Jackson taketh away
· New Study Shows having two halfway decent quarterbacks same as having no decent quarterbacks
142.77 Bacon Far From Home 2-0-0 | 2nd
93.66 Extra Billy 0-2-0 | 9th
· Robby Still Winless, Needs Even More Billy
· Bacon Cooking!
· Jonesning for Bacon!
· Digging Bacon!
· Luke Jacksoning Bacon! [Editor correction: Lamar Jackson]
· FBI orders investigation into why Mike Gesicki is still rostered
· Jarvis Landry still missing in action
107.80 Thong Stay Woke 0-2-0 | 10th
129.09 Rabbit of Caebannog 1-1-0 | 7th
· Brees Broken, Thong Stays Broke
· Brother Cole and Julio Down by the Schoolyard
· Dak Attack!
· Another Year of Terrible Monty Python References and Even Worse Trade Offers
· Thong unveils new plan to eliminate the position of “Auction Bitch.” Commish Threatens Veto.
132.54 Mr. Numbers 1-1-0 | 3rd
125.09 Queefer Sutherland 1-1-0 | 5th
· Mr. Numbers finds Big Ben down for the count
· New England Defense scores (not a typo) 37 points
· Greg The Leg Zeurlein to now go by “Gregory”
· Recent Reports indicate Steve enjoys farting into his own hand and smelling it
116.94 Stone Cold Crazy 2-0-0 | 1st
86.94 Snausages 1-1-0 | 6th
· Stone Cold Awesome! Malemezian Stays Undefeated
· OJ Howard’s face appears on side of milk carton
· KHunt and Golden Tate Still Suspended, Dirty Sounding
· Sean Forman Loses First Game, despite lots of talent
Cheers bitches.
- The Commish
