Merry New Year Everybody!
So... that’s another fantasy season in the books.
Overall Review: 3.5 stars out of 5. MUCH better vibes than last season’s 1-star bitter-fest*. But a lot of luck, injuries, streakiness, and
week-to-week weirdness. It was super fun,
but it was never easy, no matter how good your team was (or wasn’t).
My Personal Review: 6 stars out of 5. Natch.
So, let’s tie a sparkly bow around this thing and hand out
some…
HARDWARE
Congrats to Robby for a 2nd place finish and for playing
some dominant defense this season.
Nobody could score much against him, in perhaps some karmic good-will carryover
from last season’s abortion of a championship game.
Speaking of which, Congrats* to MCole* for taking the 3rd
place trophy! He was a juggernaut all
season, but his two lowest scoring weeks were both against Robby (Week 9 – 88 points;
Semi-Finals – 92 points). You can draw
your own conclusions*.
Also, congrats to Sean for winning the consolation bracket
and taking home the jean shorts, in a major upset over Thong (who has lost the 5th
place game two years in a row). Sean
probably had the second best team in the league, so this may be the definition
of little consolation. But wear those
jean shorts proud, dude! Show off your
Sausage! Shave those legs! Who wears jort shorts?!? Sean wears jort shorts!
And last but not least, for winning the Chicken Bone Cup, a
hearty CONGRATS to ME! I started off
1-5, for gosh-sakes! Going into Week 7
against Steve, my main goal at that point was to avoid being Auction Bitch. Winning the whole thing was beyond reasonable
aspiration. Did I have the best
team? Nope! Did I just barely get into the playoffs as the
4-seed? Yep! Would I have beaten MCole or Falafel in the
final? Nope! But do flags fly forever? Yep!!!
And now for some….
AWARDS
Best Team Name: Tommy
Cutlets. Just great. Makes me happy every time I see it.
Runner-up Best Team Name:
Bacon Mayfield. Pretty good. Prettttty pretttttty good.
Worst Team Name: Pan
Shot! What are we doing here…
Best team name that should have been retired three years
ago: Extra Billy
Most Wins: Falafel (10)
Least Playoff Bracket Wins: Falafel (0)
Best Draft Pick: Robby (Raheem Mostert for $1)
Worst Draft Pick: Maine
(Nick Chubb for $58)
Best Waiver Pickups:
Falafel (Puka Nacua), MCole (Brock Purdy), Falafel (Sam LaPorta)
Most Waiver Pickups: Commish (60…so much scratching and
clawing!)
Worst Waiver Pickups: Commish (tie for like 50 of them)
Least Waiver Pickups:
Sean (17)
No Waiver Pickups:
Seth
Baldest: In an upset,
Maine
Hairiest: Commish
Most hair lost during the season (metaphorically): MFrank
Most hair lost during the season (literally): Thong
Best Trade: Commish. This one was pretty key.
Mike Evans TB - WR Traded
to Master Splinter
Javonte Williams Den - RB Traded to Boebert’s Beetlejuice Sausage
Auction Bitch:
Steve. But he’s coming back for
more, folks! Year of Steve!
The Mike Frank Memorial 7-7 Award: Once again, Mike Frank! He finished 8-7, coming only 1.02 points away
in Week 14 away from a tie and a 7-7-1 finish.
There’s always next year, Mike!
Mr Irrelevant: Mazzle.
Can someone check if he’s still alive?
Poster of the Year: Since Yahoo, in their infinite fucking wisdom,
decided to get rid of the message board, we were all thoroughly confused about
how to best talk shit this year. Seems
like a group text may be where we’re landing, but we’ll see what “functionality”
the site has next season. But screw it,
let’s give the award to Steve for 2023. He
and his scotch have earned it!
See y'all next season!
- The Commish
