Now that the field is set, here's a Bacon-wrapped Playoff Preview courtesy of Maine....
"You want a playoff preview? Here's the short version. You're probably not in it. If you're in it, you're probably going to lose. People in both of the prior two groups will feel that the outcome of the season was, to some degree, a little bit bullshit and that things would have been very different if that one thing had kinda broken their way and if they made one different choice in the draft.
Then someone will win and they'll attribute it to their sports acumen, when really, It was about as random as a game of Plinko. They'll make a self-deprecating remark about how they don't deserve it, but are happy they won it. And secretly, they'll gloat. Maybe grab their wife's butt while she cooks dinner, in a rare show of hubris and bravado around the house. And I'll be bitter.
Here's the longer version:
Top seed goes to Travis who managed to eke out a few victories by having TWO top QBs on his team all goddamned season. The whole Elliott/Chubb combo didn't exactly hurt him late either. Nor did a great start to the season by this year's winner of the Steve Largent Award for generally displaying excellence as a wide receiver, with no other caveats or conditions of note at all. Also, basically every TE stunk this year besides Zach Ertz and San Francisco Zach Ertz. Basially, with this roster, Travis would have had to murder a gypsy AND a voodoo queen to screw the season up.
Second seed goes to Mike who managed to have a top wide receiver and a top running back, both named Christian McCaffrey, on his roster. Add in Phil Rivers and Mike Evans and this was a roster filled with overachievers (DeShaun Watson sold separately). You know you've had a good season when you're relying on Davante Adams in a prominent role and things work out for you. Kudos.
Third seed goes to Steve who... I hope you're sitting down... managed to get a few wins with Mahomes and Kelce on the roster. Those poor wonderboys, averaging like 78 points per week together, didn't anchor his team too much. Also, Saquon Barkley is secretly the most talented running back in history, but we'll never know it because he's playing for both the Giants and for Steve. Still had a great season. One sad note about the wonderboys though - the year Brady and Moss lit the league up, they combined to shit the bed in the fantasy playoffs, ruining everyone's season. So good luck, Mahomes and Kelce! Stay out of the snow.
Last seed goes to the Commish who basically pulled down Todd Gurley's shorts and rode his dick straight into the playoffs. It doesn't matter that he had to rely on Leonard Fournette's cadaver-sourced hamstrings. Gurley dominated so hard that he might as well have been dreadlocked Patrick Mahomes*. Jason is hoping Juju and Wentz can pull together enough magic to get over their streakiness and produce two hot games in a row. He needs em.
My prediction? Travis wins this thing. I'm going straight chalk, like a president making his NCAA picks on TV.
*This year's winner of most ridiculous NFL haircut goes to Patrick Mahomes. He looks like an 11 year old who sits on the back of the school bus throwing hot Cheetos at kids who are trying to finish their homework. "
