Howdy folks,
Here are the quick Headlines from Week 13, followed by your completely trustworthy playoff scenarios assuming you don’t check the math or the logic.
What a fuckin’ world…
Fantasy football is weird. Late last night I found myself not only rooting for Josh Adams, who I hadn’t heard of before October of this year, but also once I got ahead in the 4th quarter – in a bizarre turn of events – the one and only Mark “Butt-Fumble” Sanchez. And my season depended on it!
Falafel and I were exactly tied with 7:30 remaining, and in the end, I somehow won by 1.3 points and kept my season alive for another week.
Top Dawgs
He lost Melvin Gordon and then lost to me, but Falafel is still sitting pretty. He’s in the playoffs and I doubt he loses again.
“I put up 155 with two goose eggs?? Be afraid. Be very afraid.” – Steve
Steve is also in the playoffs, is looking as dominant as ever, and is uncharacteristically confident. He might have been drunk, but I doubt he loses again either.
And here comes Mr. Wrench! Maybe the hottest team in the league, Mike Frank’s squad has won 8 of his last 9 and is waltzing into the playoffs with his ball-gag held high. He may be the real team to beat here. And statistically there’s no way he could finish 7-7. Is the Colt McCoy Cup staying in Fairfax after all? I seriously doubt Mike loses again.
Friends in Low Places
The bottom 4 turds couldn’t even play spoiler right. All of these bums – Thong, MCole, Maine, and Auction Bitch Friedman – lost this week and couldn’t even crack 100. Don’t think we can’t see you down there, ass-hats!!!
Though I will note that Maine easily has the most total points scored against him in the league. I’m really hoping he doesn’t just snap one day and go nuts on Yahoo Headquarters.
Playoff or Homeward Bound?
So we’re down to the last week of the regular season, and it’s unusually cut and dried. Playoffs - 3 are in, 4 are out, and 3 are fighting for the last spot.
Sausage, Commish, and Mazzle all won this week to keep the pressure on each other.
Sausage and Commish are both at 8-5 and in a dead heat, separated by only 8 total points. Mazzle is 1 game back at 7-6, but he has a slight edge on total points. Soo….
Commish
• Win and I’m in with a Sausage loss.
• Win and outscore Sausage by -8 points, and I’m in.
• Lose and outscore Sausage by -8 points and Mazzle by 12 points, and I’m in with a Sausage loss.
• Lose and outscore Sausage by -8 points, and I’m in with a Sausage loss and a Mazzle loss.
• Miss out on the playoffs to Sean, and I’m finding someone else to go to the Hootie and the Blowfish concert with me.
Sausage
• Win and he’s in with a Commish loss.
• Win and outscore Commish by 8 points, and he’s in.
• Lose and outscore Commish by 8 points and Mazzle by 20 points, and he’s in with a Commish loss.
• Lose and outscore Commish by 8 points, and he’s in with a Commish loss and a Mazzle loss.
Mazzle
• Win and needs both Commish and Sausage to lose and to not get outscored. For more details, see yo mama.
Well, that’s the gist of it.
- The Commish
