Week 9 Recap

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

Howdy folks,

Your trusty Commish here throwing it back with a traditional recap of Week 9's results.  And in a week where hope abounds, there's optimism to be found for each and every one of you miscreants.  Let's do it.. 

Dominus Dingus  97.17
Thongdemic 126.24

In the battle of the alleged top two fantasy teams in the country, this wasn't even close.  Thong left the door open, but I couldn't overcome the loss of Justin Jackson on the first play of the game and Tom Brady somehow getting possessed by the ghost of Ryan Leaf.   But I'm still in first place, and odds would say I'm bound to have a healthy team one of these days.  And Thong has a stranglehold on second place that's even stronger than the one he used to kill that hooker in '97.  #LetThongCook  

BACON-19         121.59
Master of Puppets 96.14

In a key matchup of 4-4 teams, Maine gets off the mini-schneid with a nice win over Mazzle thanks to the unreal Kyler Murray.  There's nothing else especially interesting to say about that win, so I'll take this opportunity to note that Maine's a nice guy and pays his taxes and really deserves to make the playoffs.  And now in 4th place, he's got a great chance to do just that.  Meanwhile, The Marvelous Mr. Mazzle is still in striking distance, and has Aaron Jones back and healthy, Mark Andrews due for a breakout, and Joe Mixon coming back as well.  He also has the Miami Defense, which is apparently awesome now somehow.   Mazzle just has to become a nice guy and start paying his taxes, and he's in great shape for the rest of the season.

Falafel Fantasy Team 93.03
Snausages 113.33

Speaking of great shape, how bout that Sausage King!  He's won 4 of his last 5 games and has squeezed firmly into the sausage casing that is 3rd place.   This week it was a relatively easy win over Falafel, thanks to Sherlock Mahomes and Keenan Watson Allen.  ... On the flip side, what the hell is Travis even doing over there?  This is a guy who is carrying two kickers, with one of them being Harrison Butker, who he left on his bench.  He's in 9th place and lost a bajillion in a row!  He can't afford to do shit like that!  BUT, on the positive side, he isn't in last place, so he still has a legit shot to not be Auction Bitch.  (Side note: Travis would most definitely put the "bitch" in Auction Bitch.  He'd complain more than Mike Cole does on a random Thursday.)

Extra Billy 152.11
Wolf Nipple Chips 143.06

In the shootout of the week, Robby found a little extra in the tank to edge his 2nd favorite cousin in the league named Mike.  Once again led by the Adams/Rodgers combo, Robby also got contributions from across the board.  This is a team that is definitely making some noise down the stretch.  And the fun just kept coming for Robby over the weekend, with not one, but TWO Tagovailoa brothers leading his favorite football teams to victories.  It's a great time to be Robby! (which is a sentence I never thought I'd write, but here we are...). .. Meanwhile, Mike Cole is still in the thick of things with a really good team and the 2nd most points scored in the league.  Chin up bro!

#Pencefly 84.01
The Kitchen Brothers 82.03

This one came down to Monday Night and Steve found himself in the weird position of having to root for the Jets offense.  That's never good.  But somehow they scored 27 points, and Steve held on for his 2nd victory of the season.  He's not quite out of last yet and his team - objectively- sucks balls.  But he's within a game of Travis, whose team sucks just as hard. ... The losing team here was Mike Frank, who has some talent, but just can't seem to get out of his own way.  He started the wrong QB and wrong DEF yet again.  If he only had more faith in the Jets or Bills, he would have won handily this week.  But the Giants bias is strong in him.  On the plus side though, I've heard Mike Frank's ass looks great in jean shorts.  So he's got that going for him.  

That's all folks.   Good luck in Week 10!  I'm sure you'll all win!

- The Commish

 

Week 7-8 Recap

Howdy Folks,

Looking for a distraction today, so it seems like a good time for a little recap on the last couple weeks and the state of the league in general.  Let's get to it, in no particular order, news and notes style (AKA barely coherent rambling-style):

• Previously on The Chicken Bone Recap, Maine was honored with the #1 spot in the Power Rankings.  How has that been working out for him?  Not good, Bob.  Not good, at all.  He's dropped two in a row and fallen out of playoff position.   This week, with duds from Cooper, Swift, Waller and the GB Defense,  he couldn't even break 100 against Mr. Sausage.  Sean is loving life with the Steelers at 7-0 and his fantasy team in third place.  Too bad he's still bald.  #zing

• Speaking of the Sausage King, this is - by-far - the news story of the week and is fantastic:  Vladimir Marugov murder: Russian 'Sausage King' killed in sauna with a crossbow.  Sean is either taking out his competition or better watch his back.  

• Mazzle and Your Trusty Commish engaged in an epic matchup for the ages this past weekend, where I dominated him to the tune of 78-67.  I clearly deserve to be in first place after that impressive double digit win.   #dominus 

• As a side note, anyone interested in trading an egg salad sandwich for George Kittle?  Asking for a friend.  I've been told by reliable sources, but still to be confirmed, that my friend will also take tuna fish.  

• I'm a week late on this, but congrats to Robby for winning the first Strobby Bowl of the Year.  He snapped a screw-to-scrotum painful 4 game losing streak against Steve, dating back to the 2018 season.  #research  With 2 straight wins, Robby is not only off the pace for Auction Bitch, but he's now in striking distance for a playoff spot.  It must be fun for him to own Rodgers and Adams...that seems like a good time.  It almost makes up for having two Dolphins in his starting lineup.  

• Speaking of a good time and speaking of the Dolphins, man, that win over the Rams was a good time!!!  Tua was a little shaky in his first start, but with all the crazy big plays by the Defense, he didn't have to do much.  So who could really tell anything except that Jared Goff will be having nightmares about Brian Flores for the rest of his life.  Given the pressure he was under on Sunday, I would have rather been any other Jared than him.  That's right...ANY other Jared. #fivedollarfootlong

• Seems like all the complaining my brother has been doing this season has paid off, as he's won two in a row and now sits in 4th place.  Let that be a lesson to the kids out there - complaining works!  He just needs 47 points out of Dalvin Cook every week, and he's in great shape.

• Meanwhile, the latest victim of Mike Cole's KarmaComplaineon ways this past weekend was the Falafel Fantasy Team Experience.  Travis is in a free fall right now, having lost 3 in a row without breaking 100 points in that time.  You can't win spades with 4s and 7s and you can't win at fantasy if you don't score 100 points.  #fact

• Thong is the best team in the league right now.  There I said it.  #letthongcook

• Michael Seth Frank is also in this league.  Though you wouldn't really know it with the 79 points he put up last weekend.  You just can't win scoring 79 points!  Mike has one of those teams you'd call low floor, low ceiling.  (Side Note: "Low Floor, Low Ceiling" is also how one might describe Travis's mom's saggy vagina.  You're Welcome.)

That's all I got my friends.  Good luck out there.

Cheers,

- The Commish