Hello shitasses!
What a weird NFL season.... I don't know where to start. It seems like almost everybody is awful. The 'Ders are awful and 1-4. The Lions are awful and 1-4. The Steelers are awful and 1-4. The Giants are also awful, but somehow 4-1. The Bills and Ravens are both great, but somehow the Dolphins beat them both. The DOLPHINS.....UGHHHHHHHHH. I CAN'T EVEN PEOPLE. WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS?!?!
Also, streaming Thursday Night Football on Amazon is a bunch of bullshit.
Fantasy-wise, it seems like it's the worst year for Running Backs I've ever seen. Nobody is putting up consistent numbers It's a barren wasteland of committees, injuries, underperformances, and bad offenses. These guys are bigger bums than the...wait for it....New York Mets!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Too soon, Steve?)
OK, enough of all that...let's see what's happening around here....onto the Recap...
Mongo (MCole) 121.64 - Billy (Robby) 121.60
WOW! In what is bound to go down as the game of the year, MCole beat Robby by a mere .04 points. This one came down to the very end of Monday Night Football and went back and forth more than a stallion with Travis's mom.
And in a verrrrry strange confluence of events, MCole is juuuust ahead of Robby for a playoff spot in the standings by almost the same margin (.03) with almost the same digits (591.64-591.61). It's shit like that makes me wonder if we're living in a computer simulation.
Anyhow, I'm sure my brother is smiling this morning...
Polemarch (Commish) 163 - Horsemen (Mazzle) 136
So with Dalton Schultz "healthy," l cut Taysom Hill, Mazzle picks him up and he proceeds to outscore me 34.83 - 00.00 at the "Tight End" position. Thanks Schultzy! Also going out early with injuries for me were Penny (broken leg) and Olave (concussed into oblivion). But two BOMBS from Josh Allen to Gabe Davis did a lot in a hurry for me, and it was off to the races with my other guys for one week at least. .. Meanwhile, Mazzle would have been better starting a sketchy guy in a hot dog costume on Defense instead of the Dolphins.
Deacon (Steve) 105 - Bacon (Maine) 93
After a hot start Maine loses his third in a row after getting jack-all from anyone not named Christian McCaffrey. (Side note...."Jack-all" is a funny expression...what does it even mean? Travis, can you shed some light?) Lockett, KHunt, and M Carter all had good games...maybe Maine can think about trading for those dudes....
Meanwhile, the Giants come back over the Packers and his fantasy team comes back over Maine, yet this Steve guy is just never happy! Steve gets off the schneid and rides Justin Jefferson and Mark Andrews to his first win of the season. And as plus, he can see the future, so he's got that going for him....
Tartt (Falafel) 139 - Scotch (Thong) 131
In what would have been the Game of the Week, Travis edged his old buddy Rich, just like old times. He also beat him in fantasy football. If you're wondering where the fantasy running backs went, apparently Travis has them all. Henry! Cook! Stevenson! Damn! But at the end of the day, it was the kicker position that made the difference. Rich started the Atlanta kicker Koo on the road against Tampa Bay. And Travis started Justin Effing Tucker.
Mike Frank is on a roll. Like his beloved Giants, he's 4-1 and like said Giants, it's Saquon Barkley leading the way for him. Thanks Barkley, Chubb, and an overall balanced team effort, he easily trounced Sean this week. There is nothing interesting at all to say about Sean's team, so instead, here is an actual picture of Sean and Robert Plant:
And now for a quickie power ranking without comment. Draw your own conclusions.
10. Mazzle.
9. Steve.
8. Sausage.
7. Robby?
6. Thong.
5. Commish.
4. Maine.
3. MCole.
2. Falafel.
1. MFrank!!!
Toodles,
- The Commish
