Cobra Commander 106.51 Cleveland Browns 94.43
There once was a man named Sean
Whose loss was already foregone
So he took his sad pride
And sat down outside
And grew a mustache instead of a lawn.
There once was a commish named Dope
He won, but still couldn't cope
With his place in the league
Or his growing fatigue
with feelings of frickin' false hope.
The Wanstaches 88.16 The Expendables 72.90
There once was a dick named Maine
Who couldn't be bothered to feign
A desire to win
So he started Ted Ginn
His season is long down the drain.
There once was a bitch named Robby
Like a hooker with knees that are knobby
He may score lots of points
But he's bound to disappoint
Cause his vag is the size of a lobby.
Creeping Death 92.61 OopsIWittenMyPants 65.59
There once was a dude named Falafel
Whose team was really quite awful
But his decisions were worse
And his tastes were perverse
His girlfriend likes to shit on a waffle.
There once was a Brad in first place
Gay poems he looked to embrace
A haiku or sonnet
Gets a bee in his bonnet
And rhymes all over his face.
Dead Kennedys 108.70 Kwan of the Thong 72.12
There once was a douchebag named Steve
Who left 20 points up his sleeve
Starting Carson not Kurt
Had to have hurt
He's choking so hard, he may heave.
There once was a guy named Thong
Whose season was once looking strong
Losing two out of three
With no semblance of D
Makes Thong's dong go wrong and not long.
Hump or Death 95.22 The Dane 88.07
There once was a man named The Dane
From winning he vowed to refrain
He scored just enough
To pretend to be tough
But in the middle he cared to remain.
There once was a champ named Cole
Limper than 90's Bob Dole
He was masterbatin'
To Daniels and Slaton
Now he'll need self-control.
- The Commish
