This has been one of the wackiest Chicken Bone seasons on record so far - full of close wins, fuzzy math, and upside down standings. (The top 4 point scorers are all 4-5!) So let's break out a power poll:
D-U-N Division
10. Falafel Sadness
With by FAR, the most points scored against him, Travis is the hardest luck loser we've ever seen in this league. Opponents are averaging over 100 points against him. It's insane. Except for RB, this is a pretty respectable team. But at 2-7, you can stick a fork in him.
Fading Fast Division
9. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
Loser of 4 straight, Robby knew his 1.3 seasons of success were too good to last. So now what time is it? Time for some gay poetry dammit! Bust some rhymes fool!
In The (Mike) Hunt Division
8. Jersey Muff Cabbage
Stevie-G has just enough of a point total and just enough talent on his team to have plenty of gooey false hope. This week's Strobby Bowl XVII is key for him, as he has half his team on bye going into a virtual elimination match.
7. Ryan Grant's Scrotum
Sean's squad has lost 2 in a row, but is pretty deep talent-wise and can't be counted out just yet. He'll sink or swim on the arm of Big Ben, who failed him in a 2-pt loss last night.
6. The Commish
Shhhh.....
Pretenders To The Crown Division
5. Thong
Ahhh...at least one thing is normal this season. We can always count on Sir Richard Spady of the Thong to be solidly and inexorably in 5th place. He might as well have the word "5th" tattooed on his ass.
4. Random Coen Brother Reference
Mike Frank should really grow a mustache. Or a goatee. Or soul patch. Something, man. His team just isn't very good. Time to shake it up somehow. Mohawk maybe?
Contenders To The Crown Division
3. Sprite
Lil' Cole has lost 3 of 4, and despite his franchise's tradition of winning, he'll have to scratch and claw just to stay near the top of the standings. His team is a collection of misfits and Michael Turner. If Vick stays healthy, he could be dangerous in the playoffs, as usual.
2. Baconator
The Draft Hostess with the Mostest is making a big push to make his first Chicken Bone playoffs, despite having a pretty sketchy and variable lineup from week to week. But you can't discount those 4 wins in a row or that 6-3 record. He's on top of the standings and there's no way he could possibly miss the playoffs now. No chance. He's golden.
1. Mazzle Tazzle
Lift Bradley up in a chair, as he gets the meaningless number 1 spot in the even more meaningless power rankings, pretty much by default. (He has the most total points of all the teams with an actual winning record.) He's got some boys that can play a little too. After last year's breakthrough season, does Bradley have what it takes to repeat? Stay tuned, true believers...
- The Commish
