Year-End Awards

Best Draft Picks:  Robby - everyone he touched turned to solid gold.
Worst Draft Pick: Commish (Fat Eddie Lacy, $54)

Best Team Name:  tie - House of Thongs; Bacon on Chainwax.  A better year overall for team names.  Nicely done folks.
Worst Team Name: Officer Octagon.  Lame city.

Worst Tax Evasion:  Maine

Most Bitter Owner:  Falafel
Least Bitter Owner: Mike Frank, who made the playoffs despite being pretty terrible.

Best Waiver Wire Pickups:  Doug Baldwin and Brandin Cooks (Commish)
Dennis Northcutt Memorial Worst Waiver Wire Pickup:  Cecil Shorts III, everybody

Best Trade:  Mike Cole, by default
Worst Trade:  Commish, by default

Waiver Wire Champ:  In an upset, the Commish.  Really scratched and clawed this year.  Suck it Steve!!!
Waiver Wire Chump:  Robby.

Worst Injury: Falafel and his flimsy ACL.

Most Regrets:  Mike Cole (see Ted Ginn and his family)

Auction Bitch:  Thong.  Couldn't overcome that horrrid start.

Poster of the year:  I dunno man...everyone did a pretty good constant job of airing their grievances.  Gonna have to go with Steve-O here.  He filled any uncomfortable silences with his spewage; plus his stirring tribute to Joe Theismann's broken leg brought the house down and the league to tears.
  

Jean Shorts Champion:  Sausage. He didn't win the Chicken Bone Cup again this year, so the jean shorts will have to do! 

Mr Irrelevant: Bradley


Peace, love, and chicken grease,
- The Commish

Week 14 Recap

Ho. Lee. Shit.

That was a wild end to the regular season, with almost everyone and their mother holding out false hope to make the playoffs.  Let's run down the final week of action and tie a bloody ribbon around the Ridiculous Six who didn’t get in. 

Commish 130  Thong 127

Thanks to a miracle late Fat Eddie Lacy Touchdown on the last night of Hanukkah, the Commish sneaks into the playoffs with a 7-7 record .  Now I’m looking forward to getting crushed by Robby in the first round.  Meanwhile, Merry Christmas to Thong!  Here, I got you this google docs spreadsheet in which you can type in all the values at the draft next year!  Welcome to last place, Auction Bitch!!!  There’ll be someone else wearing the Jean Shorts this year….

Falafel 142  Mazzle 132

…but it won’t be Bradley.  His squad could never get anything good going this year and he finishes in 9^th place, out of even the consolation bracket.  Looks like this was the wrong year to live in Atlanta.  (I think Maine put a curse on both of them, starting with their bathrooms).   The end of the season couldn’t come quick enough for him...

Meanwhile, someone else wishes the regular season was a week longer.  Falafel put up another big week and finished strong with 4 wins in a row.  But it wasn’t enough to manage higher than 6^th place.  He can limp back home with a moral victory, and isn’t that what fantasy football is really about?  Here’s to moral victories!!!  May they bring you false hope to last a lifetime!!!

Bacon 86  Fargo 75

Another week, and another 75 point total for Mike Frank.  It was a terrible season for him, and he finishes with the lowest total points scored in the whole league.  Let me just check the standings here to see how low he ended up placing…. Hmmm…..WHAAAAAAAAAAA?????  You gotta be shitting me?  3^rd place?  8-6?  WHAT THE FUCK??  Man, if I hadn’t made the playoffs, I’d be hella pissed at this guy.  

Speaking of hella pissed, Maine finishes in 8^th place, with another lost season.  Mo Raiders, mo problems.  Also, Andrew Luck better watch his back.

Sausage King 125  Michael Swallows 91

The Sausage is dead.  Long live the sausage.  Despite a win over Mike Cole and a 7-7 finish, the Sausage King fails to make the playoffs, fails to defend his championship, and fails to grow new hair on his head.  He’s D-U-N and B-A-L-D.

Mike Cole loses a meaningless game, but makes the playoffs for a record bajillionth time.  Goddammit, Robby better beat him in the final.

Robby 134  Steve 98

Speaking of which, with another big win, Robby cruises into the postseason with the #1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  He is the overwhelming favorite to win it all, having drafted wisely and then just sat back and watched the victories come rolling in.  Gonna be festive if he loses.

The other half of Strobby didn’t fare as well, with Steve’s whole team going belly up a month ago.  A bunch of losses in a row to end the season and just like that, a championship contender is out on his ass.  Kinda like the Gators and the Giants and the Mets.

So we’re down to the final 4.  And it looks like we’re keeping the Chicken Bone Cup in the family.  Got a lot of cousin-on-cousin violence in store the next couple weeks.  Buckle up motherfuckers.

-          - The Commish