Week 12 News and Notes

Hey folks,

Appropriately, this week was a major turkey for all trailing teams still harboring playoff hopes.  It was a downright pathetic showing for them all in a must-win week, and completely underserving of a full recap.  So here are some half-assed news and notes instead:

• Robby will not be repeating as champ, thus returning us to some semblance of normalcy.  His reign of terror and our national nightmare is finally and mercifully over.  I don't even care about the pandemic or the new Decepticon variant, I'm just glad I don't need to see another one of his fucking custom T-shirts ever again.
• I held off Robby this week to stay in meaningless first place, but I officially have Problems with a capital P.   Like Jim Abbot's right hand, Noah Fant officially can not be counted on.  Plus my RBs are dropping like flies - Dalvin Cook went down, Darell Henderson is banged up, and Chris Carson and Michael Carter are dunzo.  Also, I have no receivers beyond Aiyuk and Kupp (who is getting vultured by Beckham now).  This is looking super dicey....
• Mike Frank, Maine, and Strobby averaged 85 points each this week and deserve to miss the playoffs and also get dysentery.  
• Even Thong's hopes (of not being Auction bitch) took a major hit this week when he lost to the 9th place fighting Brother Coles.  Better ask for a new keyboard for Christmas.
• Though I've shied away from using the pejorative moniker of "Brother Cole" in recent years, I've brought it back for this post only as Mike Cole has brought shame to the family name over the past few seasons of underperformance and it can't be ignored any longer.  From now on, until he has a winning season, he shall be referred to as Brother Rappaport.  
• Back to Thong for a hot minute here....he has the least total points scored AND the most total points scored against him.  That's hard to do.  
• Travis Lawson Harrup is better than us.  His team is stacked and is lapping the field on total points.  The only playoff seeding drama now is which one of the three of us have to face him in the first round.  ("Not it!")
• Bradley Charles Mazzle-Muzzle is worse than us.  His team is weak sauce. The only playoff seeding drama now is which one of the three of us get to face him in the first round.  ("Dibs!")
• Sean really enjoys reading these posts, so I'll be sure to mention him at some point.
• Wither Steve.  He has lost 4 in a row, has made 61 transactions, has $0 left to spend on waivers, and left Cedric Wilson on his bench in favor of Robbie Anderson for no reason other than he was already drunk by 11:36am on Thanksgiving.
• And now its time for your FANTASY TIP OF THE WEEK - Don't be afraid to cut your second best player if they have a bad game.  It sends a message to the rest of your team and your squad will be better overall in the long run.  This has been your FANTASY TIP OF THE WEEK.

That's all folks.  

Suck it!

- The commish

Week 11 Recap

Howdy folks,

With four weeks to go in the newly expanded regular season, things have already shooken out.  Bring it on?  It's already been broughten!   There are 4 at the top, 3 with false hope, 2 with no hope, and and Auction Bitch in a pear tree.  But if the Dolphins can win 3 games in a row, anything can happen...  

So let's recap Week 11 shall we....

148.60 Wong-Master of the Mystic Arts def 143.37 Jamie Tartt's Better Than You  

In a total back and forth slugfest between the top two teams in the standings, your trusty commish edged the Edgelord Falafel by 5 points.  Even with 51(!!!!!) points from Jonathan Taylor, it came down to Monday night where the Tampa Bay Fuckaneer defense took care of business against the lowly Giants.  A few notes:

• With Kupp on bye, there was zero chance of me starting the 3 right WRs, and lo and behold the 11 points Claypool scored on my bench was better than 2 out of the 3 starters.  This is going to be a problem in the playoffs, mark my words.  
• Has anyone seen Dan Arnold?  Should we put out an APB?  Do they still put missing people on milk cartons?  I haven't seen a disappearing act like that since Falafel's dad went out for smokes  one day and never came back.
• It's hard to get 28 points from a Defense and 1 point from a Kicker in the same week, but Falafel made it happen.

 

144.20 Bacon Lettuce Tornado def 99.63 ThongDeltaLamda

It may be false hope, but Maine is still scratching and clawing.  Big win this week to move into 5th place.  With CEH back and Justin Jefferson going beast mode lately, he's still got a shot if Mazzle falters down the stretch. And is Zach Ertz a thing again?  He needs Patterson or Jones back though, as his RBs are currently depleted. .. On the flip side, let's say a few nice things about Thong, because man, at 2-9 he sure needs some words of encouragement.  He's got to be enjoying the Mike Evans experience.  Pat Freiermuth has been a nice find at Tight End.   His running back depth is actually decent.  Um...and there's always next year....

102.51 Harvester of Sorrow def 80.73 Extra Billy 

This was a HUGE win for Mazzle over Extra Robby this week.  A loss would have dropped him into a 6-5 tie with Robby for the last playoff spot, but with the win, he opened up a MASSIVE two-game lead.  Robby is running on fumes with no D. Henry, but his big issue this season is the KC offense.  Mahomes just isn't Mahomes.  He's got NOTHING!

133.57 Sausage Factory def 128.63 Baldwin’s Bullets

Sean is rolling right along into the playoffs, but the bigger story this week was that Steve - I'm not making this up - got drunk and deleted his fantasy football yahoo account last week (ironically named Al_Cohol).  Once he sobered up, we had to figure out how to reassign his team to his other yahoo account.  If that's not a metaphor for his season, I don't know what is.  

133.90 Rabbi Milligan def 99.07 Majestik Møøse 

Mike Bowl XXII - Feel the Excitement!!!

Even though Mike Frank would have been better starting the ghost of Craig T. Nelson at Defense instead of Buffalo, he still did plenty to earn a convincing win over the disappointing Mike Cole.  He is stacked in the back at WR. We should have traded a few weeks ago.  Sigh....   Meanwhile, remember when Mike Cole was a force to be reckoned with in this league?  What happened to him, man?  Is he just too busy managing his 3 Kicker league and his High School Football Dynasty League to care about our little vanilla operation?  Wither Mike Cole...

Gobble gobble motherfuckers!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

- The Commish

Week 9 Recap

Howdy folks!

It's your crusty commish here, back with a good old fashioned recap after taking a couple weeks off to focus on the MLB Playoffs.  (Who won the World Series?  Did anyone hear?)

Meanwhile, in Chicken Bone land, we're starting to enter the homestretch.  The four teams at the top will be holding on for dear life, while the five teams behind them are looking to make a charge.  (The less said about Thong the better.  No need to kick an Auction Bitch when he's down.)  So let's recap all the Week 9 action...

Commish 135 - Thong 64

Finally, Devonta Smith comes up with a huge game and scores 20 points!  What's that you say?  That he was on my bench because I was sick of his underperforming?  That I wouldn't know a non-Kupp starting wide receiver if he was standing in the end-zone and waving at me?  That when the epitaph on my season is written, it'll say I cut Jalen Waddle and Cole Beasley and kept Julio Junk and Crap Claypool for no discernable reason?   You'd say all that, would you?  Well, that's just rude.  

Does Deon Sanders still play Wide Receiver?  Maybe I'll pick him up.  He was also an Atlanta Brave, ya know..

Maine 111 - Mazzle 85

Don't look now, but Maine has won 3 out of his last 4 and is starting to look feisty.  Even with a COVID-ridden, lying, super sketchy Aaron Rodgers on the bench and the Packers held to one TD, Maine still managed to put up a decent score and beat up on Mazzle. .. I'm assuming Mazzle - who is still 6-3 and in good shape - was just distracted this week in Atlanta by the shouts of joy from his neighborhood on Tuesday, the parade on Friday, etc... 

Sausage 117 - Falafel 114

This delicious matchup came down to the last two minutes on Monday night, but Travis's reverse-jinx came up just short when Dionte Johnson finally got open for a long gain on the last drive.  The whole Pittsburgh Steelers offense felt kind of like this...

A couple more notes on this one:

• With the narrow victory, Sean takes over sole possession of first place at 7-2.  And with a full 3 game lead over the 5th place teams with five weeks to play, he's in annoyingly great shape for yet another playoff berth.
• Travis is also in excellent shape at 6-3 and with the most total points scored in the league.  But seeing James Connor putting up 37 points on his bench has got to stick in his craw.  

Mike Cole 103 - Extra Billy 74

A few short weeks ago in this space, we anointed Robby #1 in the Power Rankings.  Since then, he has lost 3 in a row, has not scored more than 78 points, and has lost Derrick Henry for the season.  I've NEVER seen someone's season go into the toilet this fast.  It's crazy.  So on a totally unrelated note, here's a quick power rankings for this week, that should in no way jinx anyone:

10: Thong

9: MCole

8. Robby

7. MFrank

6. Steve

5. Maine

4. Commish

3. Mazzle

1 (tie). Sausage and Falafel

Mike Frank 122 - Steve 57

Rabbi Frank kicked some kosher ass this week, thanks to a big game from Elijah Moore.  You know he's all about those New York Jets players!  .. On the flip side, while Steve's luck improved when he managed to win the last two weeks with scores of 89 and 99, this week he power bottomed out.  (Also, his new team name of "Baldwin's Bullets" is both very funny and a total rip-off my of original "Ballston Bullets" team name.)  Overall it was a real stinker of a week for Steve.  But remember, if you change the letters around in stinker, you get...

That's all I got for now.  Good luck down the stretch everyone - in any year, ya just never know who's going to win it all...

Cheers,

- The Commish