Busy day in the real world here kids, so keepin it short this week. The wheat of the league stayed the same with the top three teams all winning, and the chaff stayed where it was too, with the bottom three teams all losing. The crunchy middle is still crunchy. The facts were these....
Sir Loin 128.89
A Hopeless Falafel 50.96
-------------------------
Lead of Loin lengthens with large lashing of loser. Fearful Falafel flounders for loss five. ... This is the official farewell for Falafel's season, for he has become what he has feared the most - a non-factor.
Flop The Nvts 73.85
Don't Tase Me Bro 70.96
-------------------------
BrotherCole ekes out a lucky win on Monday night, with Denver's offense not being able to muster anything at home. He would have lost against most of the league and was lucky that his opponent only put up 70 points. He is also lucky that he doesn't get his ass kicked more with that fat mouth of his.
Mazzle 72.19
Punters on Roids 43.68
-------------------------
Mazzle stays in the playoff picture with this uninspiring win over a lifeless, bloated Bobby. Hmm...Bloated Bob...I like that. I should use that more. .. Oh right, back to the recap, it's matchups like these that make me wish that the playoff tiebreaker used head-to-head results as a factor. The last playoff spot is seriously up for grabs, not unlike a Pork Chop dangled in front of Bloated Bob.
Karmasabitch 77.00
The Barber 75.67
-------------------------
The nee Massey Prenup's luck continues to run south, as he racks up his 11th loss in a row, dating back to high school. If Wynn doesn't get hurt early last night, he probably wins. The big story, however, is that Robby keeps his miracle season alive the same night I have dinner with his mother. Really.
Plethora of Piñatas 120.31
Touchdown My Thong 85.08
-------------------------
A Thong sighting! The Red Thong puts up his most points in weeks in route to a very encouraging loss to the Plethora of Tom Bradys. A moral victory for Thong - he should be very, very proud. Good effort son!!!
Til we shit again,
- The Commish
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Week 7 Recap
Well kids, it's halfway through the season so it seems like the natural time to assess this pathetic league with some power rankings. As always, these rankings are for recreational purposes only and should not be used in Divorce Court (cough...cough....Strobby...cough). Aight ya'll, it's time to get ill....
10. Torn and Tattered Thong___Record: 2-5 Playoff Odds: 7.3 %
Now here's an unhappy clown. He made the mistake of going back in time to 2003 to do his draft rankings and now he's paying the price. He's got better playoff odds than MessyMikeFrank due to the additional win, but make no mistake, this is the worst team in the entire league. This team is so bad, Rich just called the Dolphins front office to ask for advice. This team is so bad, it couldn't make the playoffs in a Canadian Fantasy Football League. This team is so bad, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
9. The Messey Prenup___Record: 1-6 Playoff Odds: 2.1 %
How quickly it went downhill for one of the darlings of the draft. It's probably the last time we'll see him at Draft Weekend. Anytime he's around more than 5 guys, he loses his head. But despite the poor record and the least chance of making the playoffs, he can be comforted by the fact that he's not actually the worst team in the league. Though he is the worst dresser. C'mon dude, it's 2007 - throw away that jean jacket!
8. Fried Falafel___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 24.2%
Now it's time for the contenders. Well, at least after we get through talking about Falafel. He's like one of those teams like Carolina or New Orleans that everybody thinks is better than they really are because of some recent past success. But the truth is that his team is falling apart at the seams following one bad decision after another. He didn't draft a QB, ill-advisedly traded away Randy Moss, and started the SoCal wildfires with the burning sensation he had from the gonorrhea he got from the 13 year old Mexican hooker he met in Tijuana. Not good times.
7. Mazzle___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 26.8 %
And here's Mister Streaky. 2 wins here, 2 losses there. His team is like a jigsaw puzzle where you're trying to find the missing piece, but you don't realize the dog ate it 3 weeks ago, but you're still looking under the couch and inside the freezer because it has to be somewhere dammit because your wife really wants to frame the puzzle and hang it in the bathroom so she can look at it when she's taking a crap. So it's like that basically.
6. The Karma Initiative___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 28.6 %
Now here's a developing situation. Robby, despite the high scoring loss to Tamayo this week, actually has a good team for once in his life. Sure, he's got QB issues (and Mommy issues), but still a decent team. Good draft, good trade for Moss - can someone make sure Robby hasn't been replaced by someone who knows something about fantasy football. My theory - he's using the time he usually spends reading about the Dolphins to read up on fantasy stuff.
5. Steeeeeeve!!!___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 41.7 %
Steve and Robby, back to back as usual. Or is it back to front? Or...scratch that, I really don't want to know. But Tamayo does! I hear he likes to watch. And is also into freaky 3 ways with gophers and midgets. Anyhow, Steve's team is pretty good for a Steve team.
4. Bobby on Crack__Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 49.9 %
This feels like a smoke and mirrors kind of team to me. Where you look at the roster and don't think that it's anything special, but 100 points later, you're wondering what happened. So who the hell knows? Also, he's corpulent.
3. El Guapo___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 51.1 %
Brady-riffic!!! Who cares about his major RB problems (also money problems), when Tommy Boy is putting up video game numbers? As long as Brady keeps going nuts, this is the team to beat. But.... if he start slipping back into the normal realm of human quarterbacking, Tamayo ain't all that hot shit. More like warm donkey piss. So drink that up!
1. Sir___Record: 7-0 Playoff Odds: 99.9999999%
10. Torn and Tattered Thong___Record: 2-5 Playoff Odds: 7.3 %Now here's an unhappy clown. He made the mistake of going back in time to 2003 to do his draft rankings and now he's paying the price. He's got better playoff odds than MessyMikeFrank due to the additional win, but make no mistake, this is the worst team in the entire league. This team is so bad, Rich just called the Dolphins front office to ask for advice. This team is so bad, it couldn't make the playoffs in a Canadian Fantasy Football League. This team is so bad, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
9. The Messey Prenup___Record: 1-6 Playoff Odds: 2.1 % How quickly it went downhill for one of the darlings of the draft. It's probably the last time we'll see him at Draft Weekend. Anytime he's around more than 5 guys, he loses his head. But despite the poor record and the least chance of making the playoffs, he can be comforted by the fact that he's not actually the worst team in the league. Though he is the worst dresser. C'mon dude, it's 2007 - throw away that jean jacket!
8. Fried Falafel___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 24.2%Now it's time for the contenders. Well, at least after we get through talking about Falafel. He's like one of those teams like Carolina or New Orleans that everybody thinks is better than they really are because of some recent past success. But the truth is that his team is falling apart at the seams following one bad decision after another. He didn't draft a QB, ill-advisedly traded away Randy Moss, and started the SoCal wildfires with the burning sensation he had from the gonorrhea he got from the 13 year old Mexican hooker he met in Tijuana. Not good times.
7. Mazzle___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 26.8 %And here's Mister Streaky. 2 wins here, 2 losses there. His team is like a jigsaw puzzle where you're trying to find the missing piece, but you don't realize the dog ate it 3 weeks ago, but you're still looking under the couch and inside the freezer because it has to be somewhere dammit because your wife really wants to frame the puzzle and hang it in the bathroom so she can look at it when she's taking a crap. So it's like that basically.
6. The Karma Initiative___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 28.6 % Now here's a developing situation. Robby, despite the high scoring loss to Tamayo this week, actually has a good team for once in his life. Sure, he's got QB issues (and Mommy issues), but still a decent team. Good draft, good trade for Moss - can someone make sure Robby hasn't been replaced by someone who knows something about fantasy football. My theory - he's using the time he usually spends reading about the Dolphins to read up on fantasy stuff.
5. Steeeeeeve!!!___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 41.7 % Steve and Robby, back to back as usual. Or is it back to front? Or...scratch that, I really don't want to know. But Tamayo does! I hear he likes to watch. And is also into freaky 3 ways with gophers and midgets. Anyhow, Steve's team is pretty good for a Steve team.
4. Bobby on Crack__Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 49.9 % This feels like a smoke and mirrors kind of team to me. Where you look at the roster and don't think that it's anything special, but 100 points later, you're wondering what happened. So who the hell knows? Also, he's corpulent.
3. El Guapo___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 51.1 %Brady-riffic!!! Who cares about his major RB problems (also money problems), when Tommy Boy is putting up video game numbers? As long as Brady keeps going nuts, this is the team to beat. But.... if he start slipping back into the normal realm of human quarterbacking, Tamayo ain't all that hot shit. More like warm donkey piss. So drink that up!
2. BrotherNuts___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 69.4 %
Here's a little story I got to tell,
about one lame brother you know so well.
It started way back, in history
With a failed dynasty, by him - Mike C.
about one lame brother you know so well.
It started way back, in history
With a failed dynasty, by him - Mike C.
The best team on paper, but they don't play games on paper. They play them in my house, beeyotch. And in my house, you ain't so bad Clubber Lang. You ain't so bad. Only one champ around these parts, and you ain't it. Have fun with Ronnie Brown rehabbing this offseason. I'll be hanging over here with Kenny Watson and laughing my arse off.
1. Sir___Record: 7-0 Playoff Odds: 99.9999999%Thought about putting the odds at 100%, but didn't want to be accused of being cocky. Besides, it's not cocky if I'm just this damn good. 10 in a row, dating back to last year, I'm like the Colts of this league. Everyone's talking about Brady and the Pats, but all we do is keep winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning. You get the idea.
Cheers!
- The Commish
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Week 6 Recap
Welcome, my friends, to the new home for recaps. Not sure if this is a permanent move - just taking this thing out for a spin. Hoping that the new-fangled exciting features of using a blogging thing outweigh the Herculean effort of pasting in a url. (Look ma - pictures!). If it sucks, no doubt you'll tell me and we'll go back to the old-fangled way.
In any case, it was quite the crazy weekend of matchups, with big-time high/low scores, 2 near Monday Night Comebacks, and the incident with the midget and the gopher. So come along on a Magical Mystery Tour on Joe Theisman's leg. Nothing bad could happen...right?
Don't Tase Me Bro: 103.81---Massey Preneup: 103.19
In the closest Year-to-Date game, Stevie G squeaks by with a win smaller than his balls. After a slow start to the season, both Stevie and his beloved Giants are back in the playoff picture. But he should thank me for always being "right", which was the key to his victory. (Look ma - it's a riddle!) Meanwhile, MFrank puts up a C-note and still manages to lose again. Think it's time for him to get with Kiper and start evaluating prospects for next year's draft.
Flop the Nutz: 140---Falafel: 40
Damn! I mean, Damn! In what might be a first in our league, BrotherCole did more than just double or even triple up Falafel, he whooped him to the tune of 100+ points. While Falafel chalked this one as a loss weeks ago, it's still got to be a crushing blow to his over-sized ego. Fortunately, he's not going to make a lot of excuses. That's not like him. Meanwhile, BrotherCole is now officially the meat to beat....er, the team to beat.
Tight Ends on Crack: 99---Dusty Bottoms: 98
In any other week, such a tight game would have been noteworthy, but too much other noteworthiness for this here to be worth noting. What I will note is that worthless Fat Bobby didn't even bother to start a kicker and still won. But taking note, a win is worth one in the standings, so who am I to find fault? (Look ma - false modesty!)
Karmasawhore:48---Tattered Thong: 27
Robby was the least pathetic one here and came up with the big win. Can we vote on whether he deserves a full win for this one? I was thinking maybe a half-a-win would be fair. But I suppose rules are rules. Though there should be some sort of asterisk for this one, methinks. As for Thong, the less said the better. This is one of our lowest scores ever, which is saying a lot, considering the mental midgets in this league. He would have been better starting actual moss, rather than the Santana variety. That's his team in a nutshell. (Look ma - I'm in a nutshell)
That's all for this week (my win over Brad couldn't have been less important), but next week you can look forward to Rivalry Week! Cole Bowl 14! Gator Bowl 11! Thongafel Bowl 38! Don't miss the excrement...er, excitement!
- The Commish
In any case, it was quite the crazy weekend of matchups, with big-time high/low scores, 2 near Monday Night Comebacks, and the incident with the midget and the gopher. So come along on a Magical Mystery Tour on Joe Theisman's leg. Nothing bad could happen...right?
Don't Tase Me Bro: 103.81---Massey Preneup: 103.19
In the closest Year-to-Date game, Stevie G squeaks by with a win smaller than his balls. After a slow start to the season, both Stevie and his beloved Giants are back in the playoff picture. But he should thank me for always being "right", which was the key to his victory. (Look ma - it's a riddle!) Meanwhile, MFrank puts up a C-note and still manages to lose again. Think it's time for him to get with Kiper and start evaluating prospects for next year's draft.
Flop the Nutz: 140---Falafel: 40
Damn! I mean, Damn! In what might be a first in our league, BrotherCole did more than just double or even triple up Falafel, he whooped him to the tune of 100+ points. While Falafel chalked this one as a loss weeks ago, it's still got to be a crushing blow to his over-sized ego. Fortunately, he's not going to make a lot of excuses. That's not like him. Meanwhile, BrotherCole is now officially the meat to beat....er, the team to beat.
Tight Ends on Crack: 99---Dusty Bottoms: 98
In any other week, such a tight game would have been noteworthy, but too much other noteworthiness for this here to be worth noting. What I will note is that worthless Fat Bobby didn't even bother to start a kicker and still won. But taking note, a win is worth one in the standings, so who am I to find fault? (Look ma - false modesty!)
Karmasawhore:48---Tattered Thong: 27
Robby was the least pathetic one here and came up with the big win. Can we vote on whether he deserves a full win for this one? I was thinking maybe a half-a-win would be fair. But I suppose rules are rules. Though there should be some sort of asterisk for this one, methinks. As for Thong, the less said the better. This is one of our lowest scores ever, which is saying a lot, considering the mental midgets in this league. He would have been better starting actual moss, rather than the Santana variety. That's his team in a nutshell. (Look ma - I'm in a nutshell)
That's all for this week (my win over Brad couldn't have been less important), but next week you can look forward to Rivalry Week! Cole Bowl 14! Gator Bowl 11! Thongafel Bowl 38! Don't miss the excrement...er, excitement!
- The Commish
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)