10. Torn and Tattered Thong___Record: 2-5 Playoff Odds: 7.3 %Now here's an unhappy clown. He made the mistake of going back in time to 2003 to do his draft rankings and now he's paying the price. He's got better playoff odds than MessyMikeFrank due to the additional win, but make no mistake, this is the worst team in the entire league. This team is so bad, Rich just called the Dolphins front office to ask for advice. This team is so bad, it couldn't make the playoffs in a Canadian Fantasy Football League. This team is so bad, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
9. The Messey Prenup___Record: 1-6 Playoff Odds: 2.1 % How quickly it went downhill for one of the darlings of the draft. It's probably the last time we'll see him at Draft Weekend. Anytime he's around more than 5 guys, he loses his head. But despite the poor record and the least chance of making the playoffs, he can be comforted by the fact that he's not actually the worst team in the league. Though he is the worst dresser. C'mon dude, it's 2007 - throw away that jean jacket!
8. Fried Falafel___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 24.2%Now it's time for the contenders. Well, at least after we get through talking about Falafel. He's like one of those teams like Carolina or New Orleans that everybody thinks is better than they really are because of some recent past success. But the truth is that his team is falling apart at the seams following one bad decision after another. He didn't draft a QB, ill-advisedly traded away Randy Moss, and started the SoCal wildfires with the burning sensation he had from the gonorrhea he got from the 13 year old Mexican hooker he met in Tijuana. Not good times.
7. Mazzle___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 26.8 %And here's Mister Streaky. 2 wins here, 2 losses there. His team is like a jigsaw puzzle where you're trying to find the missing piece, but you don't realize the dog ate it 3 weeks ago, but you're still looking under the couch and inside the freezer because it has to be somewhere dammit because your wife really wants to frame the puzzle and hang it in the bathroom so she can look at it when she's taking a crap. So it's like that basically.
6. The Karma Initiative___Record: 3-4 Playoff Odds: 28.6 % Now here's a developing situation. Robby, despite the high scoring loss to Tamayo this week, actually has a good team for once in his life. Sure, he's got QB issues (and Mommy issues), but still a decent team. Good draft, good trade for Moss - can someone make sure Robby hasn't been replaced by someone who knows something about fantasy football. My theory - he's using the time he usually spends reading about the Dolphins to read up on fantasy stuff.
5. Steeeeeeve!!!___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 41.7 % Steve and Robby, back to back as usual. Or is it back to front? Or...scratch that, I really don't want to know. But Tamayo does! I hear he likes to watch. And is also into freaky 3 ways with gophers and midgets. Anyhow, Steve's team is pretty good for a Steve team.
4. Bobby on Crack__Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 49.9 % This feels like a smoke and mirrors kind of team to me. Where you look at the roster and don't think that it's anything special, but 100 points later, you're wondering what happened. So who the hell knows? Also, he's corpulent.
3. El Guapo___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 51.1 %Brady-riffic!!! Who cares about his major RB problems (also money problems), when Tommy Boy is putting up video game numbers? As long as Brady keeps going nuts, this is the team to beat. But.... if he start slipping back into the normal realm of human quarterbacking, Tamayo ain't all that hot shit. More like warm donkey piss. So drink that up!
2. BrotherNuts___Record: 4-3 Playoff Odds: 69.4 %
Here's a little story I got to tell,
about one lame brother you know so well.
It started way back, in history
With a failed dynasty, by him - Mike C.
about one lame brother you know so well.
It started way back, in history
With a failed dynasty, by him - Mike C.
The best team on paper, but they don't play games on paper. They play them in my house, beeyotch. And in my house, you ain't so bad Clubber Lang. You ain't so bad. Only one champ around these parts, and you ain't it. Have fun with Ronnie Brown rehabbing this offseason. I'll be hanging over here with Kenny Watson and laughing my arse off.
1. Sir___Record: 7-0 Playoff Odds: 99.9999999%Thought about putting the odds at 100%, but didn't want to be accused of being cocky. Besides, it's not cocky if I'm just this damn good. 10 in a row, dating back to last year, I'm like the Colts of this league. Everyone's talking about Brady and the Pats, but all we do is keep winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning and winning winning and winning winning and winning. You get the idea.
Cheers!
- The Commish
