Week 3 Recap

Well, well, well. Before the league stuff, I just need to rejoice for just a sec here: Woo hoo! Dolphins! Ronnie Brown! Ronnie Effing Brown!!! Go Effing Fins!!! ... It's been way too long since we Dolphin fans had a chance to be that happy on a Sunday in a non-fantasy way. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. (FYI...damn good.)

Now to league bidness. Things certainly are shaking out early around here. 3 games into the season and already there are three discrete groups of teams - the haves, the have-nots, and the "Steves". The haves, all at 3-0, include the Bros Cole and a surprise expansion team (more about all of them later). On the other hand, the have-nots are already fighting over the 4th and final playoff spot like fish on chips. But enough preamble, lets Recap With a Vengeance:


Chief of Staff 96.50 The Stevie Bunch 51.13
I should really change my team name to something that doesn't have Chief in the title. Because man, the Chiefs are a really baaaad football team. How bad are they? So bad, they're calling Steve for advice. ... Maybe I'll change my name to the Chefs or something. Hmmm..I guess I can call Steve for advice on changing my team name. That's something he's actually good at. ... And Hmmm..I just ended that last sentence with a preposition, but it looks right to me. What else would I have written? "That's something at which he's actually good"? "That which he's actually good is something"? "Steve sucks"? Except for that last one, those all sound worse, not better, dammit. Can't we all just agree that ending a sentence with a preposition isn't necessarily a bad thing and should be legal in our league? I'd like to put this up for a rule change for next year. Oh right, and I also kicked Steve's ass this week wherefore.


Lords of 4th Place 80.87 Leaky Shipmaster 67.48
Now maybe Mr. 189 can quit his whiny, vagina-flapping bitching. In one week, with one win, Maine has vaulted from a winless 8th place to a playoff spot. How? Because those overall points which he was decrying last week are the all-important tie-breaker for this league. I'm guessing he's not going to bitch about anything this week (aside from his poor guitar-playing skills). ... Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the obvious in that Maine set an inglorious league record for most points by an individual bench player. Ronnie Effing Brown scored 38.51 Effing fantasy points this week and this was Maine's reaction after each touchdown:

TD1: "Hmm, maybe I should have started him."
TD2: "Damn, I definitely should have started him."
TD3: "Damn! Well at least this helps his trade value."
TD4 (passing): "Damn!!!" (Eyes get all misty, about to cry.)
TD5: (Delirious laughing, rolling on the floor, and then peeing his pants)

Also, Robby loses 2 row and would have been better off starting The Captain and Tennille than Fast Willie and Big Ben.


I Flunked Flank 104.42 Demon Thong of Fleet Street 77.86
Another commanding performance by BrotherCole, who has topped 100 points every week so far and is looking like the team to beat, even with Shockey hurt. At this point, he's expected to win the title, and anything less would be a disappointment. .. On the flip side, once Thong does something interesting in this league, I'll be sure to write about it. Keep me posted!


Seek & Destroy 102.22 Falawful 57.59
Well look who decided to show up! It's the Mazzle Express, hurtling out of nowhere to score over 100 points, almost doubling up the Artist Formerly Known As Falafel. Wow, it must have been Mazzle's birthday yesterday or something. (BTW, Happy Birthday Brad!) Good luck next week, when he tries to win in a non-birthday situation. .. Meanwhile, Falafel should be pleased because his team looks GREAT on paper. They are the paper all-stars. Too bad he got reamed this week (rim shot).


Forman's Grillers 82.51 League of Morons 52.21
Finally, we've reached the nameless expansion team who is somehow 3-0 - Sean "Effing" Forman! Ladies and gentlemen, despite keeping kosher, The Sausage King has come to play! He has showed up into your league and broughten it on. You going to take that shit?! MFrank took that shit this week, and it wasn't even the secret shit. Robby, you get Sean's shit next week. You gonna take the shit back from him?! Don't let him keep your shit. You show him your shit and you win the shit. That's what you fuckin do!


- The Commish