Halfway home homies! We're approximately 50% done with the regular season, so let's see where we stand:
In his inaugural season, The Sausage King is in line for a loss in the first round of the playoffs. And despite his/my craptastic total points, your trusty Commish is also in plenty good shape for a playoff berth. (Side note: I never know whether the Commish should write my recaps in the 1st or 3rd person. Suggestions welcome to him/me.) BrotherCole is also unfortunately also looking at a playoff spot - figuring 8-6 will get ya in this year, he only needs to go 3-4 over the last half. So that's 3 teams. Leaving Mazzle, Maine, and Thong to fight over the last spot, all hovering around .500. (No I didn't forget about MFrank.) And Strobby/Falafel bring up the rear (which is how they like it because they are gay homosexuals who are bad at fantasy football and console themselves by sticking their...well...you get the point.) So that's the skinny (Except for Maine, who is fat. And bald).
Onto the recap! But before the recap, we have a special message for Brother Cole from Wahoo nation: 
SUCK IT TAR HEEL!
Chief of Staff 93.74 Exit The Falafel 66.03
Playing Falafel almost feels like picking on the retarded kid at this point. Remember when he used to be feared and respected in this league? (Well, at least feared.) Falafel is No More. This past weekend, The Artist Formerly Known As Falafel put up another terrible score. TAFKAF got nary a point from McNabb, Westbrook, or Jones Drew. It's hard to win when your studs don't produce. In lieu of flowers, TAFKAF requests that you send underage Asian Hookers.
League of Morons 106.94 Turds of Bacon 75.99
MFrank Keeps Kosher and trounces the Lords of Trafe! Putting up over a hund, MFrank won in part from a huge day from the Adrian Peterson, aka Purple Jesus. What this means is that MFrank is officially a Jew for Jesus. ... On the flip side of the shekel, Maine slipped under .500 yet again, despite an even bigger day from Steven Jackson (aka Yellow Moses). Too bad the rest of his team didn't show up. Even Michael Turner (aka Red Buddha) couldn't gain a single yard.
Seek & Destroy 111.08 Robby's Team is Sooo Bad 62.40
Rather than belabor the point that Robby has a very, very bad team who isn't very good and will be lucky to win another game and has a 6 game losing streak and generally sucks ass... rather than belabor that, let's talk about the Mazzle Express. His team is firing on all cylinders now. He's got everything going for him and set up great for the second half of the season: His RBs don't hit women, eat a lot, or get knee injuries. And his WRs aren't mediocre at all! Plus his QB looked awesome this past weekend and repeatedly connected with a stud WR coming back from injury. So everything's coming up Mazzle!
I Flunked Flank 64.49 Del Crappa Vista 62.17
I believe Stevie and BroCole have already said what needs to be said on the message board. But let's not forget that BOTH of these teams put up crappy scores and really neither of them deserved to win. After a fast start to the season, the Flank Flunker has slowed down considerably lately and is not looking so strong. Meanwhile, Steve is lactose intolerant.
Sweeney Thong 113.03 Forman Grilled 71.36
Down goes Forman! Down goes Forman! The Sausage King is bitter that Thong's Chicago Defense scored 22 fantasy points despite giving up 41 points in real life. He's gotta remember, this is FANTASY football. If you want realism, go rent some HD porn. Also, even if Thong got zippy from Chicago's defense, The Sausage King still would have lost by double digits. ... Meanwhile, very quietly, The Thong from Hotlanta is heating up and might just have the best team in the league right now. Or maybe not. What the hell do I know?
See ya!
- The Commish
