Semi-Final Recap

Merry Festivus Everyone! How about a recap of the first week of playoff action?

Chief of Staff 89.74 - Seek & Destroy 52.53
Bradley Charles Malemezian fulfills his destiny as predicted and gets unceremoniously bounced from the first round of the playoffs. He's officially the Tracy McGrady of the league now. .... On the flip side, your trusty Commish exacts his revenge on the only team he hadn't beaten this season.

Some game notes:
- Randy Moss 16.47 pts, Ryan Grant 5.87 pts. Trade winner - moi.
- Guys in my starting lineup that I actually drafted: 3 out of 10.
- Number of Rushing + Receiving TD for Bradley: zippy.

I Flunked Flank 97.64 - Forman's Grillers 84.25
The other semi-final was won by the semi-man, BrotherCole. He got big games from some unlikely players and ended up with just enough to outscore, outwit, and outlast the Sausage King. Well not outwit. BrotherCole couldn't outwit a retarded chipmunk with cross-eyes and a peg leg. But he did win and that is all that counts at the end of the day.

Some game notes:
- BroCole got 31 frickin pts from his Kicker and Defense (to 15 for SK).
- Appropos of nothing, both guys started a WR in their flex spot.
- Sean is still bald.

Lords of Bacon 88.90 - League of Morons 86.74
Sweeney Thong 111.15 - Falafel Finale 86.21

Some Game notes:
- Thong and Maine get to fight it out for the jean shorts.
- Falafel and Maine are deadbeats who still haven't paid their league dues.
- I don't care enough about the consolation bracket to recap it.
- I'm guessing it's not that consoling to these losers.

Good luck in the Championship to me!
- The Commish

Week 14 Recap

Now the real season begins. But there are still congratulations in order. Here's your inconsequential recap from the fake season...

Seek & Destroy 80.79 - Revenge Shall Be Mine! 66.12
Congrats to Mazzle for making the plizzoffs. I rested players, Bradley took care of bidness, and the rematch that counts is still to come. Will Bradley continue to be my Armenian heel? Or will he suffer the might of my slings and arrows? Tune in this weekend, true believers.

I Flunked Flank 98.67 - Losers of Bacon! 62.84
Congrats to Jermaine for edging out the Sausage King by less than a point to claim the yearly high point total. Of course, that's completely meaningless, but at least it's some consolation while he's crying over his Bacon. Also consolation is the fact that even if he beat BrotherCole, he still would have been boned and even more bitter than he already is. Maybe after he kills someone in a fit of bitter rage, he can be cellmates with his boy Plexico.

Not as Bad as Robby 116.47 - You're Terrible! 95.57
Neither of these fools managed to make the consolation bracket, so...uh...congrats to Steve I guess for winning his super bowl. And that's all the recap you get or deserve.

League of Morons 66.52 - Sad Thong 51.76
Congrats to MFrank for making the consolation bracket, despite, you know, sucking. And congrats to Thong for being as non-essential as usual. Enjoy your jeans shorts boys.

Forman's Grillers 88.55 - Fin 85.74
And finally congrats to the Sausage King for not only making the playoffs in his first Chicken Bone season, but humbling Falafel to boot and claiming the 3 seed. Also congrats to him for being bald.

Coming later this week: Falafel's Annual Playoff Preview Extravaganza.

Not Coming later this week: Maine's wife.

Cheers bitches,
- The Commish

Week 13 Recap

OK, it's a tough week here at Commissioner HQ, so gonna make this a quick Franken-recap this week. Half-recap, half preview of next week's matchups. Enjoy...

Chief of Staff 97.57 - I Sucked Ass 75.80
Beating little Bro for the 2nd time seals up yet another season at the top of the standings for your trusty Commish. I shall gloat now. Gloat, gloat, gloat. I'm going into the playoffs with the #1 seed again and I'll be looking for revenge against one of the only two teams to beat me this year. Also, I play Bradley this last week of the season, but I get to rest my players and he doesn't. So that might help if I end up playing him in back-to-back weeks. Or something... Meanwhile, BrotherCole locks up a #2 or #3 Playoff seed and the #1 Asshole seed.

Lords of Bacon 81.79 - As Bad as Robby 73.37
Maine keeps his playoff hopes alive by pulling away from Steve (who is now actually as bad as Robby and must change his team name again). Maine needs a win this week against BroCole and will definitely get it (take a look at the defenses he's going up against this week). So then he'll just have to hope that either Mazzle or the Forman Chokers lose, depending on outside forces to decide his playoff destiny. Despite all his rage, he is still just a rat in a cage.

Achy Shipmaster 99.00 - Forman's Chokers 90.39
I say he's a big bald choker, but really, how is Forman supposed to deal with Frickin Robby putting up 99 pizzoints against him? That sucks ass. Loser of 5 of 7, The Sausage King is suddenly in the position of needing a win against the occasionally formidable Falafel. Lose this week and his sausage will be in a sticky situation. ... Meanwhile, Strobby gets to battle it out for last place and a possibility of the consolation bracket and jean shorts glory.

Seek & Destroy 77.86 - Eliminated Thong 72.49
Bradley stays clutch and Thong gets eliminated from playoff contention in a low scoring affair. Also a low scoring affair - Bradley and Thong's ugly momma. Bradley's sitch this weekend is simple - win and he's in.

Chocolate Salty Balz 121.66 - Who Gives a Rat's Ass 52.74
If there was ever a game that was cruel to both the winner and the loser, this was it. Falafel wins the too little, too late award, while irrelevant MFrank gets big time crushed and might not even make the Consol Brack. Not good times.

Enjoy this weekend folks. 3 teams, 2 spots. Sure beats the BCS.

Later hos,
The Commish