Wow, that was some finish to the regular season. It was simultaneously very predictable and
very unpredictable - with an M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist at the end. So what’s the last word on this season of
parity? Let’s recap…
Private Privates 92.86 Duck
Butter 62.41
Robby finishes out his record-setting season with one of his
worst losses of the season. I think his
team might have quit on him and are just waiting till after Week 17 to give him
the axe. He managed to tie the league record for most
losses in a season, break the record for hardest schedule strength, and shatter
the record for how many marshmallows he could shove in his mouth while saying “Fluffy
Bunny.” So he’s still got all that going
for him. .. Meanwhile, your trusty Commish clinches the #2 seed in
the playoffs to set up another goddam matchup with….
'Twas the Middle One 98.84 Sad But True 49.12
Brother Cole takes care of business, winning 7 of his last 8
games to make the playoffs yet again, despite only having the 6th
most total points. Cole Bowl XVII is
officially on. … Meanwhile, Bradley’s
season is kaput after losing pretty convincingly the last two weeks. The lesson he can take from his season is
that…hmm…well, in times of….hmmm…that’s not right…he needs to draft….hmm…no…hmm….ok. Fine, there is no lesson to be learned; these things just happen sometimes. So chin up, Mazzle – you’ll get ‘em next
year.
Free Pussy Riot 114.73 Bacon Cthulhu 63.72
Steve cruises into the playoffs as the #1 seed, not even
bothering to rest his starters. His team
is completely dominant, akin to the 1984 Dolphins, the 1990 Bills, the 1968 Colts,
and the 2007 Patriots. … On the losing end, Maine learned that you can only
subsist on bacon and false hope for so long.
They’re both gonna get ya in the
end.
FantasyGodsLoveRobby 96.99 Adequately
Paid QBs 66.15
Sean had Cam Newton on the bench this week. If that doesn’t sum up his season, I don’t
know what else does. … Falafel won big,
but it was too-little too-late. But at
least he’s not making excuses for his season.
Only a complete douche-bag would do that…
Thongmetheus 149.70 Larry's Homework 64.35
So, in the least surprising result since Travis’s mom
contracted Syphilis, Rich beat up on Mike Frank to even both of their records. Mike Frank chokes things away and just barely
misses the playoffs yet again. It all
went downhill for him after he destroyed me in week 7 and angered the fantasy
gods by actually telling me, quote “I made you my bitch this week.” He was punished the rest of the way for his
hubris. .. ..On the flip side, Rich finished
7-7 yet again, and yet again, finished….WAIT!... Do you hear that music?... in
soft tones…Thong th thong thong thong… Is that Siquo I hear?...
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong!!!!!!!!!!!!
THONG!
At long last, Thong overcomes his mediocrity with a monster
final game to catapult him from 7th place to 4th
place. All the results came up Thong
this week, and he has now made the playoffs for – I believe - the first time
ever. Congratufreakinlations!!!
Can he take down the Steve Machine? Which Cole will the winner face? Will we have a new champion this year? Will Robby ever get rid of that yeast
infection? So many questions! So little time!
Stay tuned!
- The Commish
