Long time, no cap.
Here's a quick list of predictable items around here:
- Steve will go on 3 or 4 massive rants per season
- Robby will ignore everything and everyone for most of the season
- Maine will have false hope at multiple points per season
- Falafel will act like a douche-bag at all points per season
- I will get lazy and uninspired around week 7 and stop writing recaps for a while
So let's get to it and see what the non-Heigl state of affairs are around here. We have three weeks to go in the regular season, and it's all up for grabs....
Falafel 113 Commish 84
It's all falling apart. Crumbling before my eyes. I'm getting nothing out of my QB or Defense. My WRs are Charles Barkley-level Turrible. My best bad WR is now out 4-6 weeks. My stud TE is injured too. My lottery ticket Adrian Peterson just got suspended for the season. I picked up the Redskins kicker and watched him miss two field goals IN PERSON.
And I watched Mike Evans rape my team, IN PERSON.
Dammit!!!
My only solace was that the Dolphins and Wahoos didn't have games this weekend. Because they would have lost too. Miserable. (But at least the Braves didn't trade Jason Heyward on Monday morning).
I need the regular season to end today, because there's no way I'm holding onto third place for another three weeks. Scratching and clawing....
Meanwhile...
There once was a tool named Falafel
His fantasy team was god-awful.
But his life was not boring -
For when his girlfriend was whoring
She once took a shit on a waffle
BaconMaine 128 Fudge 113
Nobody saw this coming. Maine has now won all three games since he kindly guest-wrote the last recap. He's squarely back in the playoff picture and full of false hope. He's gonna ride CJ Anderson and Jordy Nelson until their legs fall off. (I'm also pretty sure that "CJ and Jordy" is a new show on Disney XD.) ... Robby is still starting Brian Hartline. Nuff said.
Baldy McBalderson 124 Steve 92
Sean continues his dominance of the league and is now in first place all by himself. Aaron Rodgers continues to go ape shit, Demaryious Thomas is the only one left for Manning to throw to in Denver, Kelvin Benjamin is the only decent thing on offense for Carolina, Julio Jones is Julio Jones,and Richardson is now the only healthy RB in Indy. Everything is coming up Baldy!
Meanwhile, Steve is...Steve is...Steve is...hmmm....conflicted? The Gators lost in excruciating fashion, but Muschamp is finally gone. His Giants won, but they still have a losing record. His fantasy team has lost a couple in a row, but his Wide Receivers are still awesome and he's still in fourth place. He's been listening to the new Pink Floyd album on a loop, but there's only vocals on two songs, one of them by Stephen Hawking. So, basically, what I'm saying, is who the fuck knows about Steve....
Mike Frank 138 Mike Cole 73
In the 12 annual Mike Bowl, the winner and King of the Mikes is....drumrolll....Mike Frank! Wow, he might just be for real this season. It's pretty unlikely that he'll lose three in a row to finish at 7-7, right? Right? Good for him! The playoffs are firmly in his grasp. Also firmly in his grasp - his mouse! Because he's reading this on the computer! And the mouse helps him operate the computer! Ha!!
Meanwhile, Mike Cole went on a Disney Cruise instead of fixing his fantasy team. Ayup.
Mazzle 123 Thong 108
The battle of Hotlanta! Mazzle wins! And now both of these cats now sit at 6-5 and are right in the thick of it. Also...also...and also...whew....ok, that's enough recap. I'm out of recap shape and officially winded. I'll try to make it through all five matchups next time...
Commish out.
