I volunteered to do the recaps for Jason this week for three reasons:
1. He asked me.
2. I think he asks me every year.
3. Frankly, if I didn't, I had no reason to watch football this week. (RIP Knowshon Peterson-Cruz III)
2. I think he asks me every year.
3. Frankly, if I didn't, I had no reason to watch football this week. (RIP Knowshon Peterson-Cruz III)
Let's discuss the matchups, in order of relevance.
Colonel Choad defeats How High 2
If someone says to you, "Say man, how's your fantasy
football team doing this year?", he's really saying ,"Say man, did you
or didn't you draft Demarco Murray?" That's essentially the crux of the
conversation. Every year, there's a player who outperforms his personal
bullshit to a degree that catapults every fantasy owner lucky enough to
have him directly into the championship. This year, it's Demarco. No
fantasy team that frequently employs Darren McFadden, the Remains of
Antonio Gates and Trent Richardson should be as successful as Sean's is
(at this point, I think the actual group Run DMC might have more fantasy
relevance than Darren McFadden, and one of them is dead), but Demarco
is having that kind of a year.
That said, Sean and Jason went head to head and it came down to Monday night. Thankfully, Brandin Cooks had a big enough game to stave off the late Demarco charge. Congrats, Commish.
Fire Will Muschamp defeats The Memory Remains
Brad, on Sunday night:
"Alright... let me pull out this Samsung tablet and see how
things went for my fantasy team this week.... Oooh, Sammy Watkins...
getting that TD... and Mr. Maclin grabs 2 TDs... thank you. That's
like... 60 points from 2 guys. I'm feeling good. What did Leveon do? ...
Hmm, that half point PPR is looking good right now. No paydirt, but he
outscored expectations. How badly did Chris Ivory shit the bed?.... Man,
he got 2 touchdowns too? And Gronk somehow got 3 TDs!? Jesus... unless
my boyfriend Matt Ryan fell asleep on the job.... nope... that's like,
what... 173 points?! Alright. Heads are high. Ride the lightning. Let me
log into this message board real quick and talk some shit after seeing
how many points I won by................ what.............
the................? ........motherfucker."
Steve, on Sunday night:
"That wasn't the deal, Satan!! I said you could have my soul at the end of my natural life!"
Fourme 2 Poupon defeats Guardians of the Thong
Another slow burner with a Monday
night final between 2 really evenly matched teams that are waaaaaay too
invested in the Washington Football Team and other risky teams to feel good about.
Fortunately for Travis, Luck and Hilton chose this week to
have their annual public make out session and the fantasy multipliers
paid off. Hopefully this will also be the last week he wastes space on
Doug Martin.
Gutterballs defeats BaconCraft
This matchup was over in the 3rd quarter of the Thursday
night game when Emanuel Sanders decided to go Madden. In fact, Sanders,
Arian Foster and Jamal Charles put up enough points between the three
of them to comfortably win the week. Congratulations, Mike Frank. You're
the best and smartest. Is that what you wanted to hear?! Does it make
you feel better!!?
Frankly, this is what I get for trying to win football
games with adult men named Boobie, Jordy, Delanie and Russell on my
team. Not to mention 2 guys named Zack. Next year, I'm drafting a bunch
of dudes named Craig, Sex Metal and Chainwax instead.
Haunted Fudge defeats New-Bruce
There's humiliation, there's ultra humiliation, then
there's "losing to a guy that started two injured Buffalo running backs -
one of which is out for the year." It helps that Larry Fitzgerald
finally woke up and that Julian Edelman appears to be the only Patriot
who didn't participate in last weekend's statistical gangbang, but
still... it can't feel great.
- Maine
