Ho Folks,
Well that was ugly. U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, ugly. After a top-notch draft Draft Weekend, everyone was feeling pretty good about themselves. Then the real shit started. Week 1 is always good for that dose of reality. Even the winners didn't win easy. As Rich "New Steve" Spady wrote...fucking miserable...
Recap ahead...
Bradley 144 Commish 126
This one didn't end until way after I was asleep on Monday night, so it just feels like a bad dream. In doubt until Carlos Hyde went ape shit on the west coast, Bradley pulled ahead to claim victory and the early league lead. He also regrets his profanity-laden tirade against his running backs on Sunday afternoon and has subsequently apologized to his players, his fellow owners, the Yahoo community at-large, and the State of Mississippi.
Champion Name TBD 117 Gutterballs 84
Is there no end to the team name awfulness?!?!? Seriously!!! So the "winner" here has a still To-Be-Determined name? And the loser here didn't even bother to change his fucking Coen brother-reference name from last year? Step it up assholes!!! Oh, and Happy New Year!
Bacon on Chainwax 110 Slurenity Now 93
I think we might have broke Steve. That was fast.
Looks like we're going to have to go with "Classic Steve" for a while. Here's one from 2005 - "This is just fucking sad. By far the worst fantasy season I have ever
had. I'm actually looking forward to football season being over. There
wasn't even false hope this year, just no hope at all. It's like I
went on a big weekend trip to Las Vegas expecting to win a shitload of
money and to go spend it at the Bunny Ranch on 2 hot blonds. Instead, I
wound up in Wyoming, got mugged on the freeway, stopped in at what I
thought was a tittie bar, which turned out to be the Blue Oyster Bar,
and wound up dancing all night with 2 bikers named Ace and Gary to a
song called "It's Midnight in Montana and I Can't Get My Dick Out of
This Cow"!!!! This Fucking Sucks!!!"
European Swallows 133 Darth Falafel 113
In an early season matchup of the two most despised owners in the league, the younger Cole takes this one by a cool 20 points. It capped off a pretty horrendous weekend for Travis, which can be viewed as karma for prioritizing a woman over us. I only hope he was there in person to watch his Lions lose in San Diego. He deserved everything he got.
Winnebago Man 118 House of Thongs 117
In the first of our season's heart-breakers, Thong goes down by a fraction of a point. It capped off a pretty horrendous weekend for Rich, which can be viewed as karma for voting for fractional points in the first place. Tough luck, dude...
Cheers,
The Commish
