HOLY SHITBALLS!!! 195 POINTS!!! That shattered the single week record for the league. Unbelievable! And coming off a 79 point tire-fire last week, that might have been the most unexpected scoring since Steve got laid for the first time. Even the Dolphins couldn't bring me down on Sunday. (They couldn't bring any of the Bills down either, but that's another story.)
All my players scored in double digits and Devonta Freeman and Greg Olsen went nuts. Eddie Lacy was the bum in my lineup, scoring the least points and the only one not to score a touchdown. But even he got me over 10 points. And the crazy thing is that I still managed to start the wrong Patriots running back. If I start Blount, I break 200!
And hey, I know I'm still 1-2 and half my team is on bye or hurt this week and I'm likely going to lose to Darth Falafel. But for one glorious week, everything was fucking awesome.
I would be remiss, however, if I didn't throw down some words towards Maine's unfortunate team. He scored the 2nd most points in the league (not only this week, but for the year so far), and still had to suffer a loss. All those years of tax evasion finally caught up to him and the IRS (weirdly) teamed up with Yahoo Fantasy Sports to audit his miserable ass.
Seriously. That is demoralizing. How do you even get up out of bed on Tuesday morning if you're Maine?
In conclusion, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
- The Commish
