I can now, without any equivocation, state for the record that this season has been wholly unlike any season we have ever seen. This is the definition of insanity or parity or insaniparity. To writ, I took a screen shot of the standings yesterday and this morning:
Yesterday:
Week 13 and it's Armageddon!!!
Week 13 and 9 teams are still alive for the playoffs
Week 13 and the only team not still alive for the playoffs is the hottest team in the league (Thong has won 3 in a row for no reason whatsoever).
Week 13 and I somehow moved from 8th to 2nd overnight.
Week 13 and Maine is somehow still clinging to false hope.
Week 13 and Steve may or may not have been kidnapped by Chicken Bone League groupies for all we've heard from him. Also, an incapacitated Steve may still make the playoffs despite scoring 37 points total all season.
Week 13 and Mike Frank is a) going to finish 7-7, yet again, and b) The New Most Bitterest Man In The League.
Week 13 and we still haven't answered the question we asked as the sun was setting on draft day - are any of our fucking teams actually any fucking good? Probably fucking not! But the laws of physics say that somebody has to win this thing.
Week 13 and for the record, I personally think that Sean and Travis have the best and most complete teams of the bunch. Hot Take: One of them ends up taking the cup when it's all said and done. Do you prefer Falafel or Sausage? Because you're probably getting one of them! Or maybe Brad. Who the fuck knows? Hot Take!
Week 14 and the Playoffs essentially start a week early. Below are the un-fact-checked playoff scenarios, hand-crafted by my esteemed brother. Please direct all compliments and complaints to him. Please note: we are assuming that Steve isn't outscoring anybody by 200+ points, especially while handcuffed to a radiator somewhere.
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Sean - In.
Jason - In with a W. In with a L if 1) Robby & Steve lose 2) loser of Travis/Michael doesn't outscore him by .83/15.53 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 68.85 and Maine doesn't outscore him by 83.06. *If Mike Frank wins then Jason would have to outscore him by 33.23
Travis - In with a W. In with a L if 1) Robby & Steve lose and A) Jason L and he outscores him by more than .83 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 68.02 and Maine doesn't outscore him by 82.23. B) Brad loses + doesn't outscore him by 44.48 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 68.02 + Maine doesn't outscore him by 82.23. *If Mike Frank wins then Travis would have to outscore him by 34.06
Michael - In with a W. In with a L if 1) Robby & Steve lose and 2A) Jason L and he outscores him by more than 15.53 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 53.32 + Maine doesn't outscore him by 37.53. B) Brad loses and doesn't outscore him by 29.78 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 53.32 + Maine doesn't outscore him by 67.53. *If Mike Frank wins the Michael would have to outscore him by 48.76
Brad - In with a W. In with a L if 1) Robby & Steve lose 2A) Travis L + he outscores him by 44.48 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 23.54 and Maine doesn't outscore him by 37.75. 2B) Michael L + he outscores him by 29.78 + *Mike Frank L + Robby doesn't outscore him by 23.54 and Maine doesn't outscore him by 37.75. *If Mike Frank wins then Brad would have to outscore him by 78.54.
Robby - In with a W. In with a L if 1) Steve L + Mike Frank L (over 100 points behind) 2) Robby needs to outscore the loser of Jason(68.85)/Brad(23.54) & Travis(68.02)/Michael(53.32) + not have Maine outscore him by 14.21
Steve - In with a W + Robby L
Mike Frank - In with a W + Robby & Steve L + not being outscored by the losers of Jason(33.23)/Brad(78.54) & Travis(34.06)/Michael(48.76).
Maine - In with a W + Robby & Steve L + outscoring the loser of Jason(83.06)/Brad(37.75) & Travis(82.23)/Michael(67.53) + outscoring Robby by 14.21
Rich - Out. Auction Bitch.
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Looking at this week's match-ups, I predict that the following teams will win:
- Sean (9-5, #1 seed)
- Travis (8-6, #2 seed)
- Brad (8-6, #3 seed)
- Steve (8-6, #4 seed)
- Mike Frank (7-7, misses the playoffs)
Just feels like that kind of year...
Enjoy Week 14 everyone!!!! Try not to lose your minds!
- The Commish
