Hey you guuuuuuyyyyyys!
Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgivings and got properly stuffed. Also hope you enjoyed a lot of food (rim shot). Around these parts, the playoff race is tighter than a mouse's twat. 8 teams are still alive for playoff births. And more than mathematically too. Like, for reals alive. Everyone not named Rich or Jermaine still controls or mostly controls their own destiny. Win the last two weeks and you're in. That shouldn't be too hard. Unless you're a complete dumb-ass like....
The Commish, who lost to his brother 122-106. Of all the many, many boneheaded decisions I've made over the years, starting somebody named Wendell Smallwood instead of Mark Ingram has to be the most boneheadeadest. What the hell was I thinking? Because of that one move, my season is on the brink and the palpable joy that everyone has when I hoist the Chicken Bone Cup is in serious danger. I'm sorry that I let you down everybody. I am deeply ashamed. I wouldn't even blame you if you decided to go and root instead for someone like....
The Sausage Party King, who went to town on on Mazzle like he was a Taco voiced by Selma Hayak. He dominated to the tune of 151-130 - despite a piss poor effort from R. Kelley (see what I did there?). His team is totally stacked and he's the odds on favorite in Vegas to win the cup (which he will finally get from me as a Hanukkah present in 2017). Sean is also now in the drivers seat for the #1 overall playoff seed. Which is meaningless. Just like...
Salty Salted Bacon, who played spoiler to edge Falafel 118-111. Maine got a big effort from Shady and the Raiders, which coincidentally is the nickname for his genitalia. So that went swimmingly and he numerically prevailed, despite being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs (probably! who has time to figure these things out for sure? not me!). Meanwhile, Travis falls to 6-6 and is still in the thick of it, just like....
Strobby, who holds both 3rd and 4th place right now. Strobby couldn't score more 100 points for the weekend, loses big after winning last week, and sees their record drop to 7-5. Strobby is also last in the league in Moves, coasting on their sophisticated drafting in Staunton, Virginia and waiting on Dennis Northcutt to un-retire. Next week Strobby faces 6-6 teams desperate for a win in the race for the playoffs. But win or lose, they will definitely go down on them-self repeatedly. Not unlike...
Dolphins Fans! 6 in a row! Wooot! Look, we know this team is barely above average and may still finish 8-8. But considering there was no hope whatsoever going into the season and especially after starting 1-4, getting to watch meaningful football games in December is amazeballs. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm giving thanks for Dolphins football this holiday season (while I still can).
And on that note, I'd like to dedicate this link to Strobby. Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow.
Cheers,
The Commish
