Howdy folks!
And Wow! We've had some wild weeks in this league, but for a regular season Week 6 with nothing at stake, this one was more interesting than that hairy mole on Travis's mom's left butt-cheek that kind of looks like Ringo Starr. You know the one.
So let's recap, shall we....
Wong-Master of the Mystic Arts 156.67 - Majestik Møøse 130.91
In the first Cole Bowl of the season, it was Cole the Elder taking down Cole the Smellier, by the tune of 26 points despite getting off to a very slow start on Thursday night. In a record 6th week, I also started the wrong wide receiver, with even a hamstrung Julio Jones outperforming all my starting WRs not named Cooper Kupp. My running backs are all going to be on the IR soon with back injuries from carrying this team. ... Meanwhile, MCole put up 130 and did nothing wrong except starting the wrong Dolphin (Gaskin over Waddle); but really every Dolphin is wrong, so it's hard to fault him.
Bacon Lettuce Tornado 130.07 - Rabbi Milligan - 87.59
Maine, if he was still in high school in the 90s: "You like CeeDee Lamb? See Deez Nutz!"
A much needed victory this week for Maine's squad, who rode his Aaron-named Packers and a huge game from Cee Dees Nutz to the easy win over Rabbi Pretzel. Side note: he could have put up more points, but he left Cole Beasley on the bench. Good luck figuring out what that dude is going to do week to week! .. Meanwhile, Rabbi Pretzel is flailing almost as much as his New York Giants. And both of them are starting Devontae Booker. And as the old saying goes, "When you're starting Devontae Booker, you're starting Devontae Booker."
Extra Billy 181.94 - ThongDeltaLamda 82.44
Well, at least Thong didn't lose by 100. Thanks to a couple clutch plays by Zach Moss on the last Bills' drive of the Monday night game, he only lost by 99.5. So he's got that going for him. ... On the flip side, daaaaaaaaamn Robby! Leave some fucking points for the rest of us!
The Falafel Resurrections 134.69 - So Mote It Be 133.64
This one also came down to the last Bills' drive of the Monday night game, with Falafel coming back to edge Steve by a pubic hair. Falafel tried his darndest to blow it, starting Laviska Shenault Jr. yet again instead of one of his AJs. But Steve couldn't overcome Austin Ekeler's worst game of the year and some 1.20 bullshit from Tyler Boyd.
Quick follow up from last week's recap and some reader mail - Travis's team wouldn't be favored to win Squid Game, the Chicken Bone Cup, or anything else for that matter. However, Travis himself would be a slight favorite in a real life Squid Game. He's younger and perhaps in better shape than most people in this league, but more importantly, he's the kind of asshole that would push the rest of us off a high bridge or stab us in the neck in the middle of the night. Plus, he hasn't won a title in a decade and has nothing to fucking lose.
Sausage Factory 121.59 - Harvester of Sorrow 121.27
Somehow, this battle of #1 vs #2 was only the second closest result of the week, with Sausage getting the wee 0.32 point win over Mazzle. (Assuming it stands and there are no stat corrections - The Recap doesn't have time to wait for that shit.) Perhaps Mazzle shouldn't have kept Courtland Sutton tied behind his back? Perhaps instead starting Kadarius Toney - a gimpy hot-head on the NY Giants with a minimal record of success and Sterling Shephard back in the lineup - might not have been his best managerial decision? Perhaps, a little more preparation to know that Sterling Shephard was back in the lineup would have helped him just get that one more win that may be the difference between making the playoffs or not? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....
Cheers bitches,
The Commish
