Oy!
It's been a stupid busy fall so far, so there's been much recap-procrastinating in the Commissioner's office. I'm tearing through these weeks faster than Steve and Maine tear through an FAB budget. But it's Friday, I'm on the porch, it's 80 degrees in October, so let's see what the hell is going on around here...
Week 5 News and Notes:
- 71.23. That's how many combined points Jonathan Taylor and Lamar Jackson scored on Monday night. At the same time, on a Pickleball Court in Fairfax:
- Mike F: "So I guess our matchup all comes down to tonight's game."
- Jason: "Nah, I'm behind by like 50 points and you still have Lamar Murray. It's over unless Lamar Jackson has like 7 touchdowns."
- Steve, who we sort of tricked into drafting Mark Andrews, got 36 points out of that same Mark Andrews in Week 5. Steve: "Who's laughing now, motherfuckers?!"
- Meanwhile, after scoring 126 and losing, at what point do we think Maine stops paying his taxes? Has he already stopped paying them? Did he ever pay them? Maine: "I'm not sayin nothin'"
- Robby started 4 Wide Receivers and they scored a grand total of 19.3 points. He lost.
- Falafel got 24.9 points out of Jamarr Chase alone. He won.
- Falafel started Josh Allen (who threw for 3 TDs) but did not start Emmanuel Sanders (who scored 2 of those TDs), instead starting something called Laviska Shenault Jr. at flex. When has anyone ever been happy about starting Laviska Shenault Jr.? Commish Rule of Thumb #47 - If the players are at all close, just go for the double up, man!
- Chubba Hubbard is not the reason MCole lost last week. It was everyone else on his team that isn't on the Dallas Cowboys.
- Meanwhile, Brad dominated again to the tune of 161 total points, and he did it with one Courtland Sutton tied behind his back. Fear the Mazzle.
- The most exciting encounter of Week 5 was a 147-142, 5 point edging of Thong by Sausage. There was just enough action with Sausage to squirt by the Thong, despite Barkley going down on him early. The real difference was his (Dionte) Johnson, coming up with a big performance for the first time in weeks. You gotta hand it to Sausage, that was quite the climactic win.
- Lastly, if this league was in a private Squid Game, here are everyone's odds of winning, with no explanation:
- Falafel: 3-1
- Mazzle: 7-2
- Maine, Robby: 4-1
- Thong: 6-1
- MCole: 10-1
- Sausage, MFrank: 15-1
- Steve, Commish: 20-1
Coming next week - Power Rankings!!
Cheers,
The Commish
