Hi Folks!
So the biggest surprise this October is that I'm actually posting one of these things again. We're going to stick with the the new normal of monthly power rankings, but first let's run through some headlines. In sports news, there's plenty going on:
A Yankees/Dodgers Word Series pretty much sucks, but it's really hard not to root for Freddie "Fuck Around And Find Out" Freeman. Good lord, I still love that man. Happy for him.
Hail (Mary) to the Commanders! Wild.
Are the Lions the best team in the NFL? I can't believe I even just typed that.
The Miami Hurricanes can't play D worth a lick, but they are undefeated and kings of the state of Florida - the best state! The SEC can suck it.
The Dolphins are still in the NFL, somehow...
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In Chicken Land, there's a ton of parity still. Eight teams are still legitimately in the running for the Cup, with five of those at exactly 4-4. As for the other two....
#10. MCole (2-6)
This team is lukewarm garbage. It aspires to be hot garbage.
#9. Stevie (0-8)Sure, Steve's team is kind of bad, but it's not 0-8 bad! He has the most points scored against him by far, and had a win slip through his grasp on Sunday night when Jordan Mason got hurt. And it had to feel awesome for him the next day when Kyle Shanahan said that Mason “maybe” could’ve come back into game despite shoulder injury but there was "no need" the way Isaac Guerendo was running.
What has Steve done to anger the Fantasy Gods? Some theories:
- Wearing a novelty hat during the draft
- Getting too drunk during the draft
- Not getting drunk enough during the draft
- Spending $79 of his FAAB budget on someone named Carson Steele, who he was disappointed to learn was a 4th string running back for the Chiefs and not a male porn star.
- Changing his team name to "One Direction - Straight Down" (So awful and hilarious that I spent an entire day thinking about it last weekend.)
#8. Robby (4-4)
Sure, he won the Strobby Bowl, but let's not kid ourselves into thinking this is a good team.
Sure, this team is 4-4, but would you bet on Robby making the playoffs?
Sure, Tua and Tyreek are back in business, but Christian Kirk and Stephon Diggs immediately got mangled.
Sure, Robby is an empty-nester now, but he's disappointingly choosing to golf more instead of dedicating himself to fantasy football.
Sure, he's a respected attorney, but let's face it, he's no Matlock.
#7. Travis (4-4)
Now we reach the tier of teams who can actually make some noise down the stretch. Sure Travis has lost a couple in a row, but he's got Kupp back off IR, KHunt as the lead back in KC, and a find in Josh Downs. I would not want to tangle with this team in the playoffs.
In more important news, Travis's mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I'll put my swim trunks on for her anytime she likes.
#6. Thong (4-4)
Stop me if you've heard this song before. After a 4-1 start, Rich has lost 3 in a row to slip to 4-4. So smack in the middle of the pack. Other than Derrick Henry and Justin Jefferson (who continue to be MEN), this team is a collection of misfit toys. If your team has names like Goff, Reed, McLaurin, Connor, and Turd Ferguson, you might not be winning a 'Ship.
#5. Mazzle (4-4)
Well, look who's here to play. Mazzle has won 3 out of 4 games in September and has assembled some pretty nice pieces. Bijan has been coming on strong, Mooney is a find, Chase Brown has supplanted Moss in Cinci, and Davante Adams is back with Aaron Rodgers in New York. Metallica is even playing a show in Atlanta next year. The arrow is pointing way up here!
#4. Commish (5-3)
So in my last recap, I joked how Aaron Jones was a ticking time bomb, and he immediately got hurt the next game. And last Monday morning, I was talking with Sean about how I had 5 awesome WRs and I couldn't even start all of them....and 3 out of 5 of them got hurt by Friday. So the moral of the story is that I'm not even going to breathe on my team during this recap other than to say that everyone is above average, but not a whole lot better than that. Can I keep counting on everyone to score 11 points a game, and will that be enough when push comes to shove? Probably not. But 5 wins fly forever!
MFrank has the most points scored in the league and is only 4-4. That's the most MFrank sentence I've ever written. Still, he seems happy.....
#2. Sausage (7-1)
Sean has won 5 in a row, and you can't argue with success. But there's this nagging feeling that he's been doing it with smoke and mirrors. Other than Lamb Kamara and Mixon (great law firm name), there's not much that has been imposing on paper about his team. But Njoku is getting more targets for the Browns with Cooper out of town, Puca is off IR for the Rams, and Bo Nix is looking Sutton's way again for the Broncos. At 7-1, Sean is almost guaranteed to make the playoffs.
#1. Maine (6-2)
Still first in the power rankings and still first in our hearts. Maine has won 3 in a row and continues to look good for making the playoffs. Is this finally his year? Fuck if I know.
Happy Halloween bitches!
- The Commish
