Recap This, Motherfuckers!
Chief of Ass 83.5 -- Aching Vagina 83.19
Thus endeth the fractional points debate. What more can poor Robby do? He traded away LT for the best overall RB in football, got 2 Rushing TDs against a Baltimore defense that gave up ONE TD ALL YEAR. He traded for Deangelo Williams who has gone ape shit (literally) in two straight weeks. And he still loses....by 0.31 points!!!! Robby, my advice to you is to start drinking heavily and to just put a bullet in your head. Trust me, your team couldn't do worse with a dead manager! Meanwhile, the Elder Cole has secured a playoff spot (I just threw up in my mouth a little). Is this not the worst playoff fantasy team EVER???? Holy Steaming Bat Shit on a Fat Free Wheat Thin!!!! This season makes me sick.
Gods of Pig Fat 77.95 -- That Schmuck I've Never Met 59.03
So, this is it folks? How does a team that has Aaron Rodgers, Bernard Berrian, Michael Turner and Anquan Boldin not have a decent chance of making the playoffs??? Apparently these guys aren't inspired enough by their coach. In the matchup of two random guys who I'm still convinced don't exist, Bald Random Guy beats Sausage Random Guy. But it's Sausage Fest Boy who's looking to make a playoff run!!! I just don't get it. Meanwhile, Sean....Tyler Thigpen???? I know he scored more points this week than Drew Brees, but you deserve to lose on general principle for using a guy named Thigpen. And Benjarvis??? Dude, read the fucking news.....you knew Sammy Morris was coming back. We have this funny little invention now called the "Internet" that gives us up-to-date information on our players. Try fucking using it!!!!
Seek and Douche 53.52 -- League of Total Incompetence 50.58
Congrats on both of you not being able to break 60! Jebus Donkey-Raping Fuck!!!! I can't believe I'm losing to both of these ass hats! And one of them is likely to make the playoffs! Playoffs???? Seriously, there's not a single noteworthy player on either team to discuss. Except, of course, the New York Football Giants Defense, which won this game for Mike!!! Oh wait, that's right....Brad won. Congratulations, Bradley. Seek and Destroy? You just found and destroyed a total moron. Feel better about yourself now? Ass clowns!!!!!
Jean Shorts Boy 85.16 -- Go Fuck Yourself 85.01
Julius Jones, -1.07. Todd Heap, 1.07. Moose Muhhamed, 1.07. Notice a trend????? I hate fantasy football. I hate the Chicken Bone Cup. And I now especially hate Tony Romo and Chris Cooley -- as a Giants fan, to lose because of a Redskin and a Cowboy is just painful. But I had it coming to me. In my other league I traded away Joseph Addai and kept TJ Housh on the bench this week -- apparently they decided to take it out on me in this league too!!! I'm now going to give myself 142 papercuts on my ballsac and sit in a vat of rubbing alcohol, as that would be less painful than continuing to watch this season unfold. Anybody else miss Fat Bobby???
I Fucked Mike Frank 88.92 -- Enter the Chick Pea's Cunt 67.17
And thus may have endeth the Falafel Regime. Unfortunately it was at the hands of a fellow former champion who has now secured the other playoff spot (I just threw up on my shoes). Seriously, the Brothers Cole have secured playoff spots and look to steamroll into the Championship game. Again. This league is becoming the Groundhog Day of Fantasy Football. Every year it's a Fucking Cole in the Championship. I say it's time to rise up and slay them, and then eat their brains so we can possess the skill (read: ridiculous luck) it has taken to make this kind of a 7 year run (Not to be confused with the seven year itch they both wake up with every morning....you know there is an ointment for that). By the way, as an aside, do you know what you call a female Peacock? A Peacunt. Just thought I'd share since it's the only thought right now keeping me from shitting myself and killing a coworker.
