Hey Everybody! Rejoice! It's Erection day! Where all our penile dreams... Err...hold on....I'm getting a note here... It's apparently Election Day. With an "L". Sorry. How disappointing. That's much less exciting.
In any case, I advise you to go out and vote today, if you haven't already. I'm planning on writing in the entire Dolphins defense. Obama for Cornerback! Err...or something....
Getting back to the league's electoral picture, just when you think the polls are shaking out around here, the 7, 8, 9 place teams all win to muddle up the race for the Chicken Bone Presidency. Suddenly, almost everyone but Strobby is back in the playoff hunt, with 2 games separating 3rd-7th. Let's go to the Recap Map!
Chief of Staff 72.91 Burnt Sausage with a Side of Busted Crown 68.75
Vote for Change atop the leaderboard! To make his championship candidacy almost official, your trusty Commissioner held off Senator Sean Forman in Washington DC on Monday Night Football. The working class Steeler D put a scare into the Commissioner's constituents (e.g. testicles), but alas, the intimidation factor was too much. If Senator Forman started Derek Anderson at QB or BG-Ellis instead of a missing Edge, then he would have emerged victorious. But as usual, the Commissioner's opponent was too intimidated to make the right lineup calls. After 3 straight losses, will Senator Forman (from the Great State of Denial) rebound on 11/9? Or is this the start of a permanent slide into political and fantasy obscurity?
Sweeney Thong 70.73 Jermaine Bitterman 65.74
Wow, you remember when I said almost everyone but Strobby is still alive? Hello Mr. Almost! Despite the high point total, we can stick a fork in Maine after his dismal showing this week. A Plaxico drop away from a win, alas it was not to be. He's done. Cooked. Say goodnight Mainey. Try not to be too intimidated next week. Meanwhile, Thong isn't exactly lighting the world on fire.
Enter The Falafel 85.51 OneAndEight 57.36
On Halloween weekend, Falafel officially rose from the dead! Zombie Falafel ate the tasty brains of Robby and is right back in the gooey thick of things! Plus he has a Bye next week! Do not count him out! It is very exciting! Thus the use of exclamation points! I love me some Zombies and punctuation! Wooo!!!
Bye 83.81 State of Morons 64.38
In a stunning development, dealing a crippling blow to his playoff campaign, Governor Michael Seth Frank somehow lost during his Bye week. Governor Frank would have been better off starting a Mitt than a Matt at QB. Not even Romney. Oven would have worked too. ... Meanwhile, I feel the need to reprint the Bye Week's posted trash talk: " 'Suck my hairy ass, you twatwaffle!!!' -- Queen Elizabeth" Words to live by.
I Flunked Flank 88.14 Seek & DeezNuts 60.94
Do you really want someone who relies on his kicker and defense for wins as your league champion? Do you really want another year of the same uninspired trash talk? Can you really reelect someone with such a lame team name? We can't afford a single more year of BrotherCole's failed policies! Please, join with me to defeat the opposition Cole and bring the Chicken Bone Cup back into the hands of the Cole you trust!! WE CAN DO IT! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
Happy Voting,
- The Commish
