Hello yahoos. After 6 weeks in this godforsaken league, it's getting pretty clear which teams are bringing the noise and which teams are merely bringing the funk. With that prism in mind, let's peer into the reverse crystal ball....
Major Blowhard 91.09 FrayedEndsofSanity 73.74
A complete pwnage of Bradley this weekend, as UVA upset undefeated Georgia Tech as well. Brad may be the only person having a worse sports fall than me. If it wasn't for the Bills offense(!), then this score might have been even more lopsided than Travis's mom's tits. But even as it was, Brad slips to a Vikings-esque 1-5, while your beloved Commish keeps false hope alive.
A Tiger in Africa? 93.13 The Electric Bacon 80.18
Now it starts to get interesting. Thanks to a well balanced team effort - and a well balanced breakfast - The Evil Brother Cole gutted out a big win over Maine to solidify his hold on the 4th playoff spot. In classic Duke tradition, my evil brother got it done thanks to contributions from white position players such as Jordy Nelson, Kevin Walter, and Darren McFadden. .. Meanwhile, though Maine's team beyond Aaron Rodgers didn't do all that much and his team has slipped down to 3rd place, he's still looking strong nearing the halfway point. He just made the mistake of enjoying his 1st place perch a bit too much and the fantasy gods smote him accordingly. He'll be back.
Falafel 1st Class 103.81 Stupid Yard Marker 68.80
OK, this one was a mismatch on paper and an even bigger one in practice. Seanie's injured team is a compete MASH squad at this point and he deserves our pity. Poor Sean. Poor poor Sean. (Feel better now, dude?). ... In the other corner, back in first place is the hateable Falafel. His team is damn good. It's got the hallmark of a championship team, in that anyone can step up and put up big numbers in a given week. Damn good, and I'm not even kidding or jinxing here. It's the team to beat so far. Just don't shake his hand if you happen to beat him. He'll go nuts.
Motherfucker Jones 80.26 Captain Amerithong 35.20
35 points? 35 points!?! I didn't know it was possible to score that low. Thong had not one, but two, players score negative points. Had more turnovers than touchdowns. And had less than 100 total yards rushing plus receiving. That's not good. A week like this can cripple an owner's soul. Enjoy your crepes though. ... Meanwhile, Steve's travishamockery of a team wins easily to move into 2nd place. Now he just needs to hold on 8 more weeks with that crappy team. No problem.
The Choot Spas 75.97 The Goy's Teeth 75.80
And in the closest outcome of the week - and likely year - the Jews edged the Goys by the skin of their teeth. Whew! Considering that these two teams are exactly the same, looking back, this win could be critical for whoever is planning to barely miss the playoffs. And since I've already forgotten who is who here, it's as good a time as any to end this recap.
Be well,
- The Commish
