Howdy folks. Short on time today, so this'll be even more stream of consciousness than usual. Off we go...
Major Suckhard 67.35 Falafel 1st Place 92.34
Falafel called me on Sunday to brag about how awesome his team was and how awesome his Lions were and how "Everything's Coming up Travis." Is there any scenario in which Wes Welker doesn't get hurt next game? I mean how dumb do you have to be to jinx yourself in that kind of manner? That's Forrest Gump concussed on top of a mountain with not much oxygen kind-of-dumb. (Meanwhile, spell-check doesn't recognize Welker or Gump as words.) ...
Things I didn't know on August 27:
- The Steelers offensive line would be worse than their crappy line from last year.
- Jack Del Rio Grande would cut David Garrard for no reason whatsoever.
- Antonio Gates' foot really wasn't fully healed, despite reports to the contrary.
- San Diego's other recievers would all be gimpy.
- The Jets offensive line would suddenly be bad (I at least knew Mark Sanchez sucked.)
And thus endeth the excuses for my crappy team. See you at next year's draft!
A Tiger in My Pants? 67.05 Motherfucker Jones!! 95.34
Steve really needs at least a couple exclamation points after his team name. Gots to get some excitement going up in here for his overachieving bunch. He won thanks to sacrificing a chicken and using voodoo mind games into tricking Brother Cole into thinking starting Mike Sims-Walker over Frank Gore was somehow a good idea. ...the fuck!?! ... Also, are we allowed to make fun of Steve for missing the draft yet? What's the statute of limitations on that sort of thing? I'll go consult Emily Post now.
Stupid Yard Marker 95.40 Captain Amerisuck 71.56
So Seanie finally found a team to play that's as bad as his and scored his first win on the not-so-young season. His victory came thanks to Mike Vick, Dez Bryant, et al, but no thanks to his Pittsburgh defense, which, like their offense, is underachieving for no reason whatsoever. C'mon Mike Tomlin - give some big speech or something here! You're killin me!!! .. Meanwhile, Rich is no longer in France, but in Italy eating Pizza and trying to score with a newly freed Amanda Knox.
The Manual Bacon 112.30 The Goy's Teeth 129.51
Is Maine still the owner of the best team in the league after getting handed his first loss of the season? The total points say so. But those same total points say that Mike Frank has the 3rd best team in the league. And that can't be true. So what's a commissioner to believe? Who the hell knows? One thing I do know is that Aaron Rodgers is gooooood!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man!!! Wooooo!!!!!! How did Maine lose this week? Daaaaaaaaamn!!!!
FrayedEndsofSanity 84.18 The Chutzpahs 102.39
Another week, another tough luck loss for Bradley. His sanity is getting pretty frayed this season, boy howdy. It's sad, but true. He praying to St. Anger right about now. And he's...er...going to Seek and Destroy his kicker? Um, ok. .. Meanwhile, a very happy new year to the Chutzpahs. May your weeks be easy and your Sundays be sweet.
Peace out,
- The Commish
