OK, so if 2 weeks ago was as predictable as a Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy, this past weekend was as unpredictable as the new Muppets movie where Miss Piggy is revealed to be a dude in puppet drag. So under the category of ya just never know, here's your belated recap...
Major Blowhard 113.69 Captain Amerithong 112.49
Like the Dolphins, apparently my team only shows up once a year. Unfortunately for Rich, it was the one weekend his team showed up as well. Somehow this matchup of crappy teams was the highest scoring of the week. It took an unlikely performance from Mendenhall and Cundiff on Sunday night to complete the unlikely comeback, but when it was all said and done, your trusty commish still isn't going to make the playoffs. But it was a pretty damn fun weekend for a change.
A Tiger in Africa? 92.34 The Goy's Teeth 86.78
This one was pretty tight too, due to the Dukies starting someone named Chris Oingo Boingo for no reason whatsoever. But despite that, it was a Dead Man's Party for Mike Frank, who just didn't get enough on Monday Night out of Matt "I couldn't ever score a touchdown on three tries from the one yard line, so now I've lost all my goal line carries to some dude with dreads, and I'm pretty bitter over here" Forte.
The Choot Spas 93.18 Stupid Yard Marker 68.40
Well at least some things are still predictable. Sean's hurting team has been DOA for a month now and has officially turned into a freebie win for anyone playing him. And it's a good thing too, as Robby needed it, given how badly his Terps played on Saturday. They laid a turd and a half. And nobody fears the Turd.
FrayedEndsofSanity 83.75 Squirrelfucker Jones 67.12
This week, Steve-O made his own kind of music and managed to start two positions with negative points. That's hard to do, unless you're cursed somehow. After the loss, he is holding a 2 game lead in the race for the final playoff spot, so now we're all just wondering how he's going to blow it. (I mean the playoff spot.) The most likely candidate to come back on him is the previously underachieving Bradley, who toppled Steve-O thanks to the power of Tebow.
The Electric Bacon 93.87 Falafel 1st Class 92.57
In the marquee battleof the week between the league leaders, Falafel goes down under the weight of his own hubris as well as his underestimation of the superhuman abilities of Matt Moore. But who really cares, in the scheme of things? Both these guys are making the playoffs and should start looking at those weeks' team matchups now and make all their transactions accordingly. Maine's long term concern is obviously the Packers resting players if they clinch, and Falafel's long term concern is picking the wrong QB or D to start. Meanwhile, Maine's short term concern is finding the best all-you-can-eat bacon in Vegas, and Falafel's short term concern is to stop acting like a little bitch.
That is all.
- The Commish
