Hi! Hope everyone had an outstanding Thanksgiving and that every last one of you have successfully pooped out all of the food that you ingested for 4 days straight. That is my holiday wish to you.
Meanwhile, I come back here to find out that we're all as mediocre and bunched together as the AFC West. So let's see how we got here...
Major Spyhard 75.10 Team of Dentistry 57.66
A man of intrigue, he lives for the thrill
Always has places to go, and people to kill
Danger is the game he plays, and he holds every card
Cause if you wanna win, you gotta spy haaaard!
So my thoroughly lousy team is 6-6, and thanks to the rest of you yahoos, now I'm saddled with false hope. Thanks for THAT. I beat Steve this week, as his team has pretty much continued to suck. His strategy of only starting players with generic last names (Jackson, Brown, Turner, Brown, Johnson, Hanson, Cincinnati) somehow didn't pay off with a victory. He's now predictably - as in I predicted it 6 weeks ago - lost 4 in a row and 5 of 6 to complete his free fall down to my sad level.
Clenched Ass Place 94.19 A Tiger in His Pants and Everyone's Invited? 58.19
How is Sean beating both Coles in back-to-back weeks, for no reason whatsoever? Is he invoking the power of Tebow to get his team to play better defense? There's no explanation that makes sense here, and don't tell me it's because DeAngello Williams scored 2 touchdowns because that's a damn lie. This has got to be the first time in the history of the league that a team in last place has beaten both Coles in back-to-back weeks and is also bald. I'm on the phone with the Elias Sports Bureau right now.... Meanwhile, BrotherDuke is scuffling right now and could find himself out of the playoff picture if he's not careful around here the next two weeks.
ClenchedUpAPlayoffSpot 113.23 The Goy's Cariology 87.65
So Travis is the first person to officially clinch a playoff spot, even if he doesn't know the meaning of the word. His team went buck-ass-wild this week, but that's probably little solace after the eggs that the Hoos and Lions laid. It could be worse though... Speaking of worse, MikeFrank is in 4th place now, precariously holding onto both his balls and the last playoff spot. His loss, coupled with the Giants' and Hoos' turds, makes him the loser of the week! Congratulations Mike! You've earned it!
The Hand You Chas 84.29 The Electric Turkey Bacon 72.81
So Maine lost, but he's still in pretty good shape. I mean in this league. In general, he's in TERRIBLE shape! He gets winded going from the couch to the fridge to get another beer and turkey leg. And that's just Thanksgiving. On Halloween, he yells "Trick of Meatloaf!" But I digress. He's fine. He's making the playoffs. Nothing to see here. ... On the flipside, Robby got a much needed win thanks to Thomas Brady and is 6-6 like the rest of the damn league. He's still in it, despite, you know, being Robby.
Green Thongtern 127.32 Mazzle-Muzzle 89.26
This just in: Drew Brees is good. And for this week, so was Thong's team. He pretty much dashed Bradley's hope of making the playoffs. Both teams go to 5-7 and can pretty much start gearing up for fantasy basketball now. I hear Detlef Schrempf is pretty good too.
Gobble, gobble muthafuckas!!
- The Commish
