Hey Folks,
Parity. That's the name of the game in Chicken Bone so far this year. Eight out of the ten teams in the league are either 2-3 or 3-2. (We'll get to the other two later.) That means every game counts for everyone in ways we couldn't have even imagined in our wildest imaginations before the season started. One misplaced kicker could make or break your season. One wrong choice at FLEX and you're on the next train to Jeanshortsville. So keep your wits about you, work the waiver wire, and - if you can somehow stomach it - make a trade with Mike Cole. (You gotta do what you gotta do...)
Recap ho...
Octagon 127 Thong 72
It's amazing that between Alshon Jeffrey, Marshawn Lynch, and Jordan Cameron, they didn't manage a single point this past week. Not one! I mean, Rich spent a lot of money at auction on them and they are all hugely talented guys. Nobody could have suspected they score zero points TOTAL. Who would have guessed THAT? Nobody could fault Rich for ignoring his lineup with those guys in there. I mean, sure, Jeffrey and Lynch were both inactive on Sunday and Cameron was on bye. But that's no reason to resort to the drastic move of benching them! Even despite those handicaps, Rich had all the confidence in the world that they would produce, and you have to give him credit for sticking by his guys even with an 0-4 (now 0-5) record. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you hope....
Frantic 107 Falafel 105
This one was closer than two catfish in a skillet. If one of the catfish just beat by two points and lost Jamal Charles for the season. And if the other catfish is Brad.
Fargo 112 Bacon 102
At some point this season we're going to have to come up with the Maine Levels Of Losing. I think this one probably ranked a 13 out of 10. Because it was a dog fight right up until the very end. If Mike Vick just QB-sneaked (snuck? snucked?) it into the end zone on the last play of the whole damn week, Maine would have won. Instead, the Steelers made the asinine play call of running Le'Veon Bell out of the Wildcat and wasting all 5 seconds of game-clock even though they had a timeout. Ridiculous. I couldn't fall asleep for an hour after that shit, and I didn't even have a dog in the fight. I couldn't even imagine how Maine must have felt.
Sausage 132 Swallows 123
OK. At some point we're going to have to take this smug asshole down a peg. First he comes in here and takes our Chicken Bone Cup. This season he's 4-1 and in first place and won't stop shit talking. And now he's all up bragging on our message board and trying to tell us the rules of our league!?! Well fuck that guy! I'm sick of his shit. I hope Steve kicks his ever-loving ass this weekend and DeAndre Hopkins gets his leg mangled by a beagle.
Perdedor 140 Winnebago 118
So in this matchup Robby's team....sigh...wait...No. NO. I. CAN'T. EVEN. I'm still too fired up about Sausage King and his antics around here lately. Goddammmit!!! He's like the Terrell Owens of our league...always trying to start shit with somebody. And the arrogance!!! They guys wins one lucky championship and suddenly he's "best fantasy owner of all time." And that is a direct quote from his blog. You should see what he writes on there. Especially about Steve. It's even worse that what he puts on our message board. Please, for the love of all that's good in the world, will somebody please beat this bald asshole??? I just can't deal with him anymore...
- The Commish
