Howdy folks. Long time, no 'cap. Hope everyone's Thanksgivings were swell and stuff. We're back from Havana City (where the folks are mean and the Fins are shitty) , and it turns out we missed our window for last week's recap. Sweet Peaches! What to do?!! How bout a Jason Stark-esque Rumblings column to hold you over til next Tuesday? Will that do, pig?
Playoff Picture
Seems most everyone around here is treading water until the playoffs. At this point, 1 team is in for sure (Hi!), 2 are virtual locks, and 5 have been officially eliminated. That just leaves Rappaport and Malemezian fighting it out for the last spot, with Mazzle having the inside track to get smoked in the first round. Plus, with TO's big game last night, this week Steve is already in a huge hole to Robby. (But I suppose he's used to that sort of thing.) Anyhow, at least something besides Steve' s heterosexual virginity is still up for grabs these last two weeks.
A Historic Season?
Can't have a weekly column without mentioning both my obvious superiority at Fantasy Football and also my run at an unprecedented undefeated season. With only 4 games to go, what once seemed like a quixotic quest is now more than a possibility - it's a probability. Also, with a win this week, it will have been a full calendar year since I lost a game in this league. A full year! Suck on that, people that aren't me!
Updated Playoff Odds and Power Rankings
10. Old Thong 0%
9. Fat Bobby 0%
8. Mad Massey 0%
7. Hopeless Falafel 0%
6. Bad Karma 0%
5. Steve 23.5%
4. Mazzle 76.8%
3. Bro Cole 99.8%
2. Tamayo 99.9%
1. Commish 100!!!%
Monday Night Marsh
Just wanted to take a second to note that BrotherCole had no business winning last week, with MFrank only needing like 4 points from Big Ben going into Monday Night in the Swamps of Pittsburgh. Thanks to the weather and Dr. Forman's refusal to call passing plays, Ben did jack squat. .. This game proved a couple things: 1) God hates MFrank and 2) BrotherCole without Ronnie Brown's production is highly overrated, eminently beatable, and bad at predicting NFL point spreads.
Week 13 Preview
This week's regular season games are actually top-notch, with a Commish v. Tamayo Championship Preview, a Mazzle v. Bro Cole 3rd Place Game preview, a Steve v. Robby hole-a-thon, and a Bobby v. Thong Toilet Bowl Preview. Also, some meaningless game involving Falafel (I know...redundant.)
Poetry Time
Ten little managers, hair all so fine.
The Barber got snipped, and then there were nine.
Nine little managers, drafting up late.
Thong drafted Shaun, and then there were eight.
Eight little managers, in Outback heaven.
Bob shagged a 'roo, and then there were seven.
Seven little managers, trading their picks.
Falafel sold high, and then there were six.
Six little managers, their luck took a dive.
Karma couldn't pull out, and then there were five.
Five little managers, groins feeling sore.
Steve got The Clap, and then there were four.
Four little managers, exams unto thee.
Brad couldn't pass, and then there were three.
Three little managers, with options to chew.
Brother Cole choked, and then there were two.
Two little managers, hanging in Boston.
Brady got hurt, and then there was one.
One little manager, never outdone.
He won The Trophy, and then there were none.
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
-The Commish
