Victory Lap and Year-End Awards

And Thus Endeth another fantasy football season. 

I'd like to thank the many, many people who made my ultimate victory possible.... in no particular order...

First, I'd like to thank Maine for sucking so badly in the championship game that my three players going tonight aren’t even needed.  I had mistakenly thought he was trying to reverse-jinx his team by badmouthing it, but it turns out he was speaking the gods-honest-truth.  So apologies!  And condolences…

Next, I’d like to thank The Denver Broncos, who - despite Homer Simpsons' protests - are an actual NFL team.  I'll be rooting for Petyon and Demarius during the playoffs out of habit.   Unbelievable. 

I’d like to thank Robert F. Friedman for out-sucking me in the semi-final game.  He’ll have to console himself with his Law Firm partnership, Mr. Florida Jew pageant 4^th place runner up victory, and his terrible facial hair.

I’d like to thank Thong for keeping my trophy warm.  And also not making the final and beating me again.  Please don’t hunt down Matt Ryan with a shotgun this offseason. 

I’d like to thank Nick Foles for throwing 7 touchdowns during Peyton’s bye week.

I’d like to thank Sean for being bald.

I’d like to thank my millions of fans all around the world for cheering me on this season.  Your emails, tweets, and letters made all the difference.

I’d like to thank my brother for typing my winning team’s players into the computer on draft day.  I wouldn’t have a team without you, bro!  You’ll always be my Auction Bitch!!!

I’d like to thank Mike Frank for being mind-numbingly predictable.

I’d like to thank Steve for being entertaining as hell and also trading me Giovani Bernard. 

I’d like to thank whoever sneezed into Benjarvis Green-Ellis’s salad and got him sick last week.

And finally, I’d like to thank Travis’s mom for keeping me relaxed all season.  It’s good to be the king.

Now, let’s hand out a few awards:

Best Team Name:  Yes!  Yes!  Bacon! – why beat around the bush?
Worst Team Name: (tie.) General Gonad and Abby Normal.  We expect better from the Cole boys.

Most Underpaid:  ($1 - tie) Alshon Jeffery, Falafel; Knowshon Moreno, Commish
Sean Forman Memorial Most Overpaid:  Ray Rice, $51, Sean Forman

Best Waiver Wire Pickup:  Alshon Jeffery, Maine

Worst Waiver Wire Pickup: Every New England running back, all the freaking time - Commish
Dennis Northcutt Memorial Worst Waiver Wire Pickup: Nate Burleson, natch - Everyone

Best Luck: Thong

Worst Luck: Is there any doubt on this one?  Steve-O, in a unanimous decision.

Best Trade:  Um, I dunno….
Worst Trade: Everything that Steve did.

Waiver Wire Champ:  The winner and still champion – Steve!   This seemed like it was the Commish’s to lose, but Steve went out and picked up every Florida Gator he could for the Jean Shorts Bowl.  So he tanked the consolation bracket championship to win the Waiver Wire Championship!  Well done Steve!  Or something!
Waiver Wire Chump: Robby, who made 11 moves all season and still made the playoffs.  Makes ya wonder….

Best Hair and Makeup: Sean

Post of the Year:  Steve, for the first of many Florida Gator rants.

Poster of the Year:  Steve-O, and it wasn’t particularly close this year.

Mr Irrelevant: Bradley

Peace Out and Merry New Year!!!

I promise to be a kind and benevolent Champion.

- The Commish