Year-End Awards

Best Draft Picks:  Robby - everyone he touched turned to solid gold.
Worst Draft Pick: Commish (Fat Eddie Lacy, $54)

Best Team Name:  tie - House of Thongs; Bacon on Chainwax.  A better year overall for team names.  Nicely done folks.
Worst Team Name: Officer Octagon.  Lame city.

Worst Tax Evasion:  Maine

Most Bitter Owner:  Falafel
Least Bitter Owner: Mike Frank, who made the playoffs despite being pretty terrible.

Best Waiver Wire Pickups:  Doug Baldwin and Brandin Cooks (Commish)
Dennis Northcutt Memorial Worst Waiver Wire Pickup:  Cecil Shorts III, everybody

Best Trade:  Mike Cole, by default
Worst Trade:  Commish, by default

Waiver Wire Champ:  In an upset, the Commish.  Really scratched and clawed this year.  Suck it Steve!!!
Waiver Wire Chump:  Robby.

Worst Injury: Falafel and his flimsy ACL.

Most Regrets:  Mike Cole (see Ted Ginn and his family)

Auction Bitch:  Thong.  Couldn't overcome that horrrid start.

Poster of the year:  I dunno man...everyone did a pretty good constant job of airing their grievances.  Gonna have to go with Steve-O here.  He filled any uncomfortable silences with his spewage; plus his stirring tribute to Joe Theismann's broken leg brought the house down and the league to tears.
  

Jean Shorts Champion:  Sausage. He didn't win the Chicken Bone Cup again this year, so the jean shorts will have to do! 

Mr Irrelevant: Bradley


Peace, love, and chicken grease,
- The Commish

Week 14 Recap

Ho. Lee. Shit.

That was a wild end to the regular season, with almost everyone and their mother holding out false hope to make the playoffs.  Let's run down the final week of action and tie a bloody ribbon around the Ridiculous Six who didn’t get in. 

Commish 130  Thong 127

Thanks to a miracle late Fat Eddie Lacy Touchdown on the last night of Hanukkah, the Commish sneaks into the playoffs with a 7-7 record .  Now I’m looking forward to getting crushed by Robby in the first round.  Meanwhile, Merry Christmas to Thong!  Here, I got you this google docs spreadsheet in which you can type in all the values at the draft next year!  Welcome to last place, Auction Bitch!!!  There’ll be someone else wearing the Jean Shorts this year….

Falafel 142  Mazzle 132

…but it won’t be Bradley.  His squad could never get anything good going this year and he finishes in 9^th place, out of even the consolation bracket.  Looks like this was the wrong year to live in Atlanta.  (I think Maine put a curse on both of them, starting with their bathrooms).   The end of the season couldn’t come quick enough for him...

Meanwhile, someone else wishes the regular season was a week longer.  Falafel put up another big week and finished strong with 4 wins in a row.  But it wasn’t enough to manage higher than 6^th place.  He can limp back home with a moral victory, and isn’t that what fantasy football is really about?  Here’s to moral victories!!!  May they bring you false hope to last a lifetime!!!

Bacon 86  Fargo 75

Another week, and another 75 point total for Mike Frank.  It was a terrible season for him, and he finishes with the lowest total points scored in the whole league.  Let me just check the standings here to see how low he ended up placing…. Hmmm…..WHAAAAAAAAAAA?????  You gotta be shitting me?  3^rd place?  8-6?  WHAT THE FUCK??  Man, if I hadn’t made the playoffs, I’d be hella pissed at this guy.  

Speaking of hella pissed, Maine finishes in 8^th place, with another lost season.  Mo Raiders, mo problems.  Also, Andrew Luck better watch his back.

Sausage King 125  Michael Swallows 91

The Sausage is dead.  Long live the sausage.  Despite a win over Mike Cole and a 7-7 finish, the Sausage King fails to make the playoffs, fails to defend his championship, and fails to grow new hair on his head.  He’s D-U-N and B-A-L-D.

Mike Cole loses a meaningless game, but makes the playoffs for a record bajillionth time.  Goddammit, Robby better beat him in the final.

Robby 134  Steve 98

Speaking of which, with another big win, Robby cruises into the postseason with the #1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  He is the overwhelming favorite to win it all, having drafted wisely and then just sat back and watched the victories come rolling in.  Gonna be festive if he loses.

The other half of Strobby didn’t fare as well, with Steve’s whole team going belly up a month ago.  A bunch of losses in a row to end the season and just like that, a championship contender is out on his ass.  Kinda like the Gators and the Giants and the Mets.

So we’re down to the final 4.  And it looks like we’re keeping the Chicken Bone Cup in the family.  Got a lot of cousin-on-cousin violence in store the next couple weeks.  Buckle up motherfuckers.

-          - The Commish

Week 11 Recap

Week 10 Fake Recap (by Steve)

Ok, so I just remembered Jason asked me to guest host this week's recap. Apparently he is too busy jerking off an Eskimo in Iceland to do this, so you're stuck with me. Unfortunately, I didn't pay attention to what happened this week and am too damn lazy to go back and look at the scores. Also, I have no idea how to post this to the recap blog so I'll trust that no one will read this and Jason will figure out a way to get this on the blog.

So, I almost decided to just skip it, since no one reads this shit anyway. But then I realized that today marks a very special anniversary. No, not the day Travis lost his virginity to a Perkins waitress with three teeth. And, no, not the day I banged his Mom in the backseat of a 1976 Lincoln Continental on the way to a sit-in to protest women's suffrage. Nope...today is the day that one of my favorite Giant coke addicts of all time, Lawrence Taylor, snapped Joe Theismann's leg in half, giving rise to the naming of the Chicken Bone Cup!!! Yes, today my friends, is the day that made all of this possible.

So rather than recap this insanely ridiculous fantasy season in which every player known to man has snapped his Achilles, and in which Robby is running away with this whole friggin thing, I prefer to use this recap as a way to raise a glass to all of you. And to Larry and Joey for collaborating on that wonderful play so many years ago that brought us all together. When you pull that wishbone on Thanksgiving Day and make a wish, please also remember that Tibia/Fibula wishbone that Mr. Taylor broke apart 30 years ago today! And please pray that one of the Strobby brothers will defeat one of the Cole brothers in this year's championship! As that appears to be where this thing is heading, unless Pretzel Boy or Mr. Balding Wondernuts decides to make a late push for the Fourth Seed!

Enjoy your week, Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! And Travis, please remind your Mom to bring the bullwhip and the bottle of Macallen 18 this year to the Christmas Eve Key Party!!

Peace out, fucknuts!

Week 8 - Power Rankings

Hi folks,

Let's do something different this week.  How about some power rankings?  (I'll remind you to pay close attention to these, as I occasionally get it right.) 

10.  Darth Falafel

He's in a complete free fall, having lost 5 in a row.  He's got a paper thin roster behind an underachieving Aaron Rodgers.  And in a must win week, he pinned all his hopes on Tedd Ginn and Ted Ginn's family.  Enough said.

9.  Frantic

Bradley's team is a total shit-show.  Total.  Shit.  Show.  Seriously, look at that mangled, deformed thing he calls a roster.  He's going to have to bust his ass not to be next year's Auction Bitch.

8.  House Thong

In recent weeks, Thong has gone from totally incompetent to merely lousy.  At 2-6, you can still write him off, but he has a chance to play spoiler during the last six weeks, as he attempts to earn a spot in the consolation bracket.  Those jean shorts are still achievable dude!  Live your dream!

7.  Fargo Woodchippers

Wow, that was a bad week. Not only did he lose to a team only scoring 75 points, but he also lost Le'Veon Bell for the season. The only reason Mike Frank is ranked this high, is that he's 4-4 and destined to finish 7-7 no matter what he does.  He should change his team name to "Mediocre Inertia."

6.  Sausage King &

Sean lost this week despite getting 7 TDs and 45 points out of Brees. If that isn't an indictment of the rest of his roster, I'm not sure what is.  After 3 straight losses, it looks like his title defense is going the way of his hair. 

5.  Bacon on Chainwax

OK, now we move into the Varsity part of the rankings, where the teams have a chance in hell of winning it all.  And after 2 wins in a row, "Chance-in-hell" is Maine's middle name.  His roster is looking kinda feisty right now, with Kelce as a high-end TE, Charcandrick running like the real deal, Oakland's passing game looking legit, and two viable quarterbacks to incorrectly choose from on a weekly basis.  Don't sleep on Maine.

4.  European Swallows

Sure, he only scored 75 points this week.  But he's still 5-3 and has a lot of players on the upswing, including one Antonio Brown who is about to go off.  He's got some depth on that bad boy too.  No telling what he might do down the stretch. 

3. Officer Octagon

Not sure what I really have with this squad.  Sure I have the most points scored in the league so far, but it's all seems like it's teetering on the edge of disaster every week.  I just have a bad feeling about this....

2.  Soy un Steve

Looking like the team to beat a couple weeks ago, Steve has lost Arian Foster and Steve Smith to season-ending injuries.  He's still got a formidable roster, just not as much depth to spare.  Also, he's liable to make all the wrong pitching decisions and lose most of his games in the 9th inning.  (Disclaimer: some of these statements may apply only to the New York Mets.)

1.  Winnebago Man

And here is your number one team in the power rankings.  The Brady to Gronk combo is devastating.  Adrian Peterson is looking like his old self.  Jarvis Landry is a PPR monster.  Doug Martin is looking rejuvenated.  And there are no more coaches of his teams left to fire.  So there you go....Robby (Robby!) is officially the team to beat.


- The Commish

Week 7 Recap

Hi folks,

Hey now!  Halfway through the season, this league is tighter than a frogs twat!  There is less distribution than the first season of Breaking Bad!  These records are closer than...um...things that are really close.  .. In other news, this is my seventh recap in a row, which has to be some sort of record.  I'm running on fumes here people!  Plus I'm still drunk from all those weekend Mole Day parties.  So you might not be getting my best effort here...  That being said, let's do this thing...

Steve 134   Commish 119
Well shit.  I knew I didn't want to play Steve this week.  Couldn't Arian Foster tear all his joints in the first quarter instead of the fourth?  Irregardless, with his fantasy team rolling, the Gators having a surprisingly good season, and the Mets in the World Series, everything is coming up Steven.  He is feelin good.  Meanwhile, I'm going to go put in a waiver claim for Alfred Blue now...

Mike Cole Swallows Cum Then Europeans His Mouth  117  Bradley's Nightmare 98

A few random observations after an ugly Mike Cole win that I don't feel like writing about...

• Jimmy Graham has really been up and down this year.
• I'm tired of seeing C. Johnson in the box scores and having to take the extra 4 seconds to figure out which one it is.  
• LeGarrette Blount might be the most frustrating guy in the league to own.
• Speaking of blunts, Delane Walker is being passed around the league like pot at Snoop's house.  Need a Bye week TE fill in, he's your guy!

Thongs 140  Woodchippers 120

Once again, Thong decides to start all 10 players and once again he walks away with a victory.  I think he might be onto something here.  Also a big game from TY.   Mike Frank slips to 4-3 and will no doubt finish 7-7...blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda... There's something to be said for consistency I suppose.  Mike Frank is also a Mets fan.  If they win the World Series, he is planning on having a 4-way with Steve, Daniel Murphy, and Mr. Met.  

Bacon 107  Falafel 104

In the battle of 2-4 teams, Bacon comes out on top by giving Falafel cancer.  

Robby! 170  Sausage Queen 85

In the total beat-down of the week, Robby doubles up Sean to take over sole possession of first place.  Thanks to the Pats and the Dolphins, this one was over by about 2:30 on Sunday.  Damn, lucky Robby...  That almost makes up for The Terps, The Canes, and the Fins all firing their head coaches in the middle of the season.  That is nuts.  Damn, poor Robby...

Whew I'm Spent,

The Commish

Week 6 Recap

Hi folks!!  Happy Tuesday!!

Lots of dirt to dish this week to lets go straight to the recap...


Officer Jason 147   Mike Cole Swallows 126

A respectable showing from The Swallows, but just not enough this week.  He really misses Ben Roethlisberger.  A couple notes on my team, who despite my 4 wins in a row, is starting to show some cracks:

• When did Eddie Lacy decide to suck?  Did I miss a meeting?  What the hell, man!?!
• Every year I tell myself I'm not going to end up with a Patriots running back because their usage is too unpredictable, and every year I end up with two.
• One of these weeks I'll figure out when to start DeMarco Murray.  This was not that week.
• I'd sure like Anquan Boldin back about now.  Can we institute 1 free player take back a year?
• On my roster is a Brandon, a Brandon, and Brandin.
• On my roster is a DeMarco, a Devonta, and a Demaryius.

House of Rich  139    Frantic Bradley  103

A Thong sighting!  With help from the returning Alshon Jeffrey, Rich is on the board with his first win of the year.  He decided to go with the controversial strategy of setting his lineup and not playing anyone on bye or inactive.  And it paid off handsomely!  Go figure!


Fargo Franks 109   Darth Travis 99

A ten point win for the second week in a row, the Fightin Franks move to two games over .500.  That won't last.  Meanwhile, Falafel tears up his ACL playing "basketball" and not - as has been rumored in the press - at an orgy at Rob Gronkowski's house.

Winnebago Robby 113   Maine Bacon 90

Robby gets back to his winning ways with help from Lamar Miller of all people.  Meanwhile, Maine's running backs consist of 150-year-old Frank Gore, Melvin "0.90 points" Gordon, somebody named "Charcandrick," and 17 crappy Giants running backs.  He should have stuck with his old strategy of overpaying for kickers at the draft.  At least that way, he couldn't be too disappointed.  Even with Andrew Luck back, this season is deteriorating rapidly for Maine. Also, "Rapidly Deteriorating Bacon" would be a great team name.

Loser Steve 175   Bigger Loser Sean Sausage 135

In the well-deserved beat-down of the week, Sean finally suffers some comeuppance for his antics of the past few weeks.  About damn time someone took that motherfucker down!!!  And speaking of comeuppance, Steve is coming up strong.  His roster is stacked and only getting stacked-er.  I do not want to play his team any time soon.  Wait, what's that?  Oh.  

- The Commish

Week 5 Recap

Hey Folks,

Parity.  That's the name of  the game in Chicken Bone so far this year.  Eight out of the ten teams in the league are either 2-3 or 3-2.  (We'll get to the other two later.)  That means every game counts for everyone in ways we couldn't have even imagined in our wildest imaginations before the season started.  One misplaced kicker could make or break your season.  One wrong choice at FLEX and you're on the next train to Jeanshortsville.  So keep your wits about you, work the waiver wire, and - if you can somehow stomach it - make a trade with Mike Cole.  (You gotta do what you gotta do...)

Recap ho...


Octagon 127   Thong 72

It's amazing that between Alshon Jeffrey, Marshawn Lynch, and Jordan Cameron, they didn't manage a single point this past week.  Not one!  I mean, Rich spent a lot of money at auction on them and they are all hugely talented guys.  Nobody could have suspected they score zero points TOTAL.  Who would have guessed THAT?   Nobody could fault Rich for ignoring his lineup with those guys in there.  I mean, sure, Jeffrey and Lynch were both inactive on Sunday and Cameron was on bye.  But that's no reason to resort to the drastic move of benching them!  Even despite those handicaps, Rich had all the confidence in the world that they would produce, and you have to give him credit for sticking by his guys even with an 0-4 (now 0-5) record.  Sometimes things just don't work out the way you hope....


Frantic 107   Falafel 105

This one was closer than two catfish in a skillet.  If one of the catfish just beat by two points and lost Jamal Charles for the season.  And if the other catfish is Brad.


Fargo 112   Bacon 102

At some point this season we're going to have to come up with the Maine Levels Of Losing.  I think this one probably ranked a 13 out of 10.  Because it was a dog fight right up until the very end.  If Mike Vick just QB-sneaked (snuck?  snucked?) it into the end zone on the last play of the whole damn week, Maine would have won.  Instead, the Steelers made the asinine play call of running Le'Veon Bell out of the Wildcat and wasting all 5 seconds of game-clock even though they had a timeout.  Ridiculous.   I couldn't fall asleep for an hour after that shit, and I didn't even have a dog in the fight.  I couldn't even imagine how Maine must have felt.


Sausage 132   Swallows  123

OK.  At some point we're going to have to take this smug asshole down a peg.  First he comes in here and takes our Chicken Bone Cup.  This season he's 4-1 and in first place and won't stop shit talking.  And now he's all up bragging on our message board and trying to tell us the rules of our league!?!  Well fuck that guy!  I'm sick of his shit.  I hope Steve kicks his ever-loving ass this weekend and DeAndre Hopkins gets his leg mangled by a beagle.


Perdedor 140  Winnebago 118

So in this matchup Robby's team....sigh...wait...No.  NO.  I.  CAN'T.  EVEN.  I'm still too fired up about Sausage King and his antics around here lately.  Goddammmit!!!  He's like the Terrell Owens of our league...always trying to start shit with somebody.  And the arrogance!!!  They guys wins one lucky championship and suddenly he's "best fantasy owner of all time." And that is a direct quote from his blog.  You should see what he writes on there.  Especially about Steve.  It's even worse that what he puts on our message board.  Please, for the love of all that's good in the world, will somebody please beat this bald asshole???  I just can't deal with him anymore...

- The Commish

Week 4 Recap

Hey gang,



No preamble this week, let's go straight to the recap......

Officer Octagon 118   Falafel 83
Whether due to the start of bye weeks, or simply regression to the mean, the scores this week were way lower than last week.  118 was plenty for me to to get past Falafel's weak-ass showing of 83.  And speaking of weak ass Falafel showings....




Bacon on Chainwax 99   Frantic 78
Fantasy is weird sometimes.  One week after getting screwed over in the highest-points matchup of the whole season, Maine ends up winning by 21 points in the lowest-points matchup of the whole season.  Guess karma evens out for those who pay backtaxes.


Fargo Woodchippers  114   Winnebago Man 99
With Gronk and Brady on bye, Robby suffers his first defeat of the season.  Meanwhile, Mike Frank moves to 2-2 and is busy collecting mediocre quarterbacks.  What's that you say?  Tell you something you don't know?  Nah, I'll let Winnebago Man do it...

Sausage King & Mary 140    House of Sad Thongs 113
Sean's team keeps rolling, but on the flip side, it's time for our first eulogy of the season. It's hard to believe, but Rich's fantasy team has already met its end.  At 0-4, it's hard to imagine the Thong climbing out of this (butt)hole.  It's a sad day for the Thong...




European Swallows 120   Slurenity Now 93
Sure, Steve's team is 1-3 and in 9th place.  But how 'bout them Gators?!!!  Undefeated and ranked in the Top 12 after crushing Ole Miss in the swamp!!!  Now, I'm no gator fan, but I'm in favor of anything that will get Steve excited about football so that his high hopes and dreams can once again be dashed.   But until the Gators choke against Missouri this weekend in some horrible fashion, I'll leave you with another round of "Classic Steve" from 2004....

"Look, you ignorant jackass, you're only up by 6 points with two weeks left and you're bound to make a stupid decision this week. Besides, there's no fucking way you can possibly win the poker title, the regular season title, and the playoff title all in one year! Hell will freeze over, monkeys will fly out of Robby's ass, dogs and cats will live together, and I'll kill a puppy before that happens!!! So just be content with winning two out of three and shut the hell up for the next 3 weeks

Oh yeah, and BLOW ME!!!"



Cheers,
- The Commish

Week 3 Recap

Look, I'm sure there are a lot of you clicking on this recap looking forward to reading - in a mildly witty fashion - about how your team fared this week.  And I know you were expecting the usual amusing rundown of the whole league.  BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!  BECAUSE I SCORED ALL OF THE POINTS!!!  ALL OF THEM!!!

HOLY SHITBALLS!!!  195 POINTS!!!  That shattered the single week record for the league.  Unbelievable!  And coming off a 79 point tire-fire last week, that might have been the most unexpected scoring since Steve got laid for the first time.   Even the Dolphins couldn't bring me down on Sunday.  (They couldn't bring any of the Bills down either, but that's another story.)

All my players scored in double digits and Devonta Freeman and Greg Olsen went nuts.  Eddie Lacy was the bum in my lineup, scoring the least points and the only one not to score a touchdown. But even he got me over 10 points.  And the crazy thing is that I still managed to start the wrong Patriots running back. If I start Blount, I break 200!

And hey, I know I'm still 1-2 and half my team is on bye or hurt this week and I'm likely going to lose to Darth Falafel.  But for one glorious week, everything was fucking awesome.

I would be remiss, however, if I didn't throw down some words towards Maine's unfortunate team.  He scored the 2nd most points in the league (not only this week, but for the year so far), and still had to suffer a loss.  All those years of tax evasion finally caught up to him and the IRS (weirdly) teamed up with Yahoo Fantasy Sports to audit his miserable ass.

Seriously.  That is demoralizing.  How do you even get up out of bed on Tuesday morning if you're Maine?

In conclusion, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

- The Commish

Week 2 Recap

Hi folks!

After completely dominant wins on Saturday by Universities Miami, Virginia, and Florida, everyone was no-doubt feeling chipper and optimistic going into Sunday's NFL action.  There was no queasy feelings, no foreboding emotions, no tingling in the back of our lizard brains.  There was no chance everything would go straight to hell in a hand basket.  There was no chance all of our hopes and dreams would be dashed after only Week 2.  There was no chance of a sadness-bowl of penalties, injuries, upsets, and failure.  No...it was going to be a good Sunday... 

And it was! *

(* Applies to Sean only.) 

Onto the recap...


Fargo Woodchippers 118   Officer Octagon 79
Quarter-back hurt badly - check!  No backup Quarterback - check!  Star running back leaves with an ankle injury after 3 carries - check!  Wide Receiver hurts his knee after a monster 1st half - check!   Shit-ton of points left on the bench - check!  Opponent's Wide Receiver raping your favorite team - check!  Season over - checkmate!  See everyone next year!



Winnebago Man 154   Frantic 114
No joy here either.  This week Bradley was on the losing end of a high scoring matchup.  And Robby can't even enjoy his early Chicken Bone dominance, what with the Dolphins imploding in Jacksonville and him having to root for the Patriots all year. (Though, take a look.  His team is seriously stacked.  Could we be on the verge of a Robby Renaissance?  Is this the year of The Robby?)


Sausage King & Champ 115  Bacon on Chainwax 85
Everything's turning up Sausage.  But really, who do you think you are - William & Mary?  Pick a name and go with it dude.

Maine can always re-watch this to lift his spirits...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He7TnoCM7fo



Darth Falafel 133  Slurenity Now 127
Damn..we're never going to get any good Steve rants without some false hope.  And he is without hope so far.  His fantasy team and the Giants both starting 0-2 does not bode well for tricking him into caring about football this year.   Gonna have to go with Steve "Classic" again.  This time from Dec 15, 2009...

"This is fucking bullshit! I'm sorry, but I cannot accept Pretzel Boy in the playoffs and not me. I went from first to eliminated -- the worst collapse in fantasy history since probably whatever the fuck I did last year! And now I have to pretend that I'm interested in seeing Mazzlemuzzle against half of Strobby in the championship??? You know what? Fuck it -- I hope Michael wins again! You know what else I want? Ronnie Brown's fucking head on a platter. And I want to see Kurt Warner die. But really painfully -- like have him slowly being eaten away by a flesh eating virus as he is forced to watch Greg Louganis and Lance Bass in a three way around the world with Adam Lambert!!! I hope that mother fucker gets hit by a bus full of retarded schoolkids."


European Swallows 124  House of Thongs  71
Wow...Carson Palmer was the only dude that showed up at all for Rich in Week 2.  It's hard to get no touchdowns at all from your other skill players, but he somehow managed it. ... Meanwhile, I'm not sure I can deal with the next few months of my brother and Robby dominating this league.  Good thing they are playing each other in Week 3. 

Peace out,
 - The Commish

Week 1 Recap

Ho Folks,

Well that was ugly.  U-G-L-Y,  you ain't got no alibi, ugly.  After a top-notch draft Draft Weekend, everyone was feeling pretty good about themselves.  Then the real shit started. Week 1 is always good for that dose of reality.  Even the winners didn't win easy.  As Rich "New Steve" Spady wrote...fucking miserable...

Recap ahead...


Bradley 144  Commish 126

This one didn't end until way after I was asleep on Monday night, so it just feels like a bad dream.   In doubt until Carlos Hyde went ape shit on the west coast, Bradley pulled ahead to claim victory and the early league lead.  He also regrets his profanity-laden tirade against his running backs on Sunday afternoon and has subsequently apologized to his players, his fellow owners, the Yahoo community at-large, and the State of Mississippi.


Champion Name TBD 117  Gutterballs 84

Is there no end to the team name awfulness?!?!?  Seriously!!!   So the "winner" here has a still To-Be-Determined name?  And the loser here didn't even bother to change his fucking Coen brother-reference name from last year?  Step it up assholes!!!  Oh, and Happy New Year!


Bacon on Chainwax 110  Slurenity Now 93

I think we might have broke Steve.  That was fast.  

Looks like we're going to have to go with "Classic Steve" for a while.  Here's one from 2005 - "This is just fucking sad. By far the worst fantasy season I have ever had. I'm actually looking forward to football season being over. There wasn't even false hope this year, just no hope at all. It's like I went on a big weekend trip to Las Vegas expecting to win a shitload of money and to go spend it at the Bunny Ranch on 2 hot blonds. Instead, I wound up in Wyoming, got mugged on the freeway, stopped in at what I thought was a tittie bar, which turned out to be the Blue Oyster Bar, and wound up dancing all night with 2 bikers named Ace and Gary to a song called "It's Midnight in Montana and I Can't Get My Dick Out of This Cow"!!!! This Fucking Sucks!!!"


European Swallows 133  Darth Falafel 113

In an early season matchup of the two most despised owners in the league, the younger Cole takes this one by a cool 20 points.  It capped off a pretty horrendous weekend for Travis, which can be viewed as karma for prioritizing a woman over us.  I only hope he was there in person to watch his Lions lose in San Diego.  He deserved everything he got.


Winnebago Man 118  House of Thongs 117

In the first of our season's heart-breakers, Thong goes down by a fraction of a point.  It capped off a pretty horrendous weekend for Rich, which can be viewed as karma for voting for fractional points in the first place.  Tough luck, dude...


Cheers,
The Commish

Sean Draft Lottery

Straight Outa Boca